Welcome to 2008!

Let's start with this: HapPy NeW YeaR everyone!

I had my year started perfectly! After meeting our friends in Downtown, we went hunting for food. Actually I had my dinner earlier at about 5-6pm, but I was too happy. I just feel like eating. I shared this plate of carrot cake (which is like extremely salty) with Cheryl. It was a really big share, and we actually managed to finish this plate of salty stuff. But right after that, i died from thirst. haha..

Anyway, we spent our countdown at the queue. Quite sad. But still, we had a great time partying together, dancing, joking around as usual.. Oh yes, dancing -I can't believe I joined in the dance. =D I didn't drink, but I was so drunk. It was not just the music nor the atmosphere. It was my friends. I REALLY miss them!! It would definitely not be a great start of the new year without them.

It's a start of a new year, and a best reason for starting a new life. Now, my wish isn't to forget anyone, or anything. It is to spend all my time with my 5/1 friends who are always there for me. Thank you for starting my year this wonderful! All the best in yr 2008.

A Hectic Holiday

A new school term will be starting tmr. Holiday will be ending in a few hours time. Holiday. Sigh.. How do you define this word. Isn't it suppose to be a time for us to relax? The lecturers left for holidays and dump us all alone in Singapore with not just projects, but also a hundreds of questions on our projects. Perhaps they are looking for trouble. (Cos they are gonna faint when they read our report!)

It was indeed stressful a holiday. But nevertheless, I have started to live my own life again. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as it was. I've spent too much time on someone whom I once thought I couldn't live without. I always thought that it was a lesson learnt, but no, it was a good experience.

I read Yin Shan's blog and I found something she wrote (highlighted) that hits me. It was what she read from a magazine(Quoted) and how she felt about what she read. I thought I've learnt so much from her words..

"Meet, meet,meet agian.
Don't rush into things/relationship,
don't put too much pressure,
don't made a decision to early,
And DON'T stop believe in LOVE."
That's is an simple and good advice.
Haha...
After reading that i felt energize!! haha
Just open my heart to know more ppl and find the right one
who love me and i love him..

After reading this, I couldn't help, but started thinking. I realised that, there are too many things and people whom deserve a place in my heart and that I should spend more time and effort on. So why bother so much about unnecessary things? Let nature take it's course, even for projects. Even if it's nature meant to be a failure, ... -_-" ... Alright, alright... I shall take back my words and stop giving excuses, and get back to my floorplan. Haha.. =P

My mind reminded me I was strong; my heart corrected me that I wasn't...

Haven't been updating my multiply. I wanted to. But everytime I click on "Post", I decided to close the entire window and forget about it. I've posted so much, yet none of them can actually describe how I really feel..

All the strong side of me - they never last more than 4 days. Then I realise, "lie" is not the word. It is not the exact word to describe all the posted blog entries. It's the state of mind that is doing the tricks. I'm the victim of myself. It sounds ridiculous but true. Yet I can't do anything but to see myself fall and stand.

Yes, perhaps I shall just name my entries this way - fell/stood up. Because the contents are just the tricks being performed out by my mind. My mind reminded me I was strong; my heart corrected me that I wasn't - because it hurts, no matter how hard I try...

深深感触

看见他给一位(女)朋友留下的评论，心里总觉得不自在，好难过。铭基，我好尽力，好尽力要自己不要让他的举动影响。你要我向他坦白，约他出来，把心里所想的一次过说出来。只有这样才能把事情解决。但并不是那么简单。

有好多次当我回想到过去，我会情不自禁地发简讯给他。我也尝试过想和他说清楚，但他从来不回复。刚才看到他给别的女生留下的评论，我心里好难过。但我很认真的问了自己一个问题: "美璇，你想和他符合吗? 真的想吗?"

我的答案是 "不想" 。没错，有些时候我会被那些 "曾经" 动摇，但我却很肯定，肯定自己的答案终究是个 "不想" 。我清楚知道自己要什么。

谢谢你一直以来给我的鼓励，听我心声。我知道每当我忍不住哭的时候，你会觉得我好烦好讨厌。但我还是要说声谢谢，也要说声对不起，因为我真的无心影响你。我现在需要的，是时间。我有信心 - 一切会过去的，对吗? 我祈求上天，请让时间飞速 - 到伤口愈合，到我不再感觉到痛的时候。因为我真的好怀念我的自由…我好想解脱…

This cat is really testing my patience... But I love it!

Rolling in the Hay - Les chatons dans le foin

I started this cross-stitch abt 8 months ago I guess... Can't really remember. Of cos, this isn't a complete pictuce. This cat is just 1/4 of it. Well, I shan't describe how the picture looks like, it'll be a surprise when it's done.

Anyway, if I don't remember wrongly, the reason for buying this cross stitch was because I found it challenging. It is made up of 42 different colours, shades and tones. This is definitely not the most challenging piece available in the market, but, it's enough to test one's patience!

It was 94% completed before today, and took me about 5-6 hours to finish another 5%. So guess where has the other 1% gone to?? Let me give you a clue. It's somewhere at it's stomach. About ten crosses not done yet. Cos the auntie gave me the wrong colour. -_-" How??? Still can't find it rite... Can you imagine if I found out that I've made a mistake, where do I start counting from (when all the colours look so similar)??? Touchwood touchwood... Haha...

I wonder it would take me another 24mths to complete. Actually I shouldn't even have the time to do this 5% today. Just suddenly miss my favourite past time. I was 8 years old when I started learning cross-stitching, and that was 11years ago.

It was my aunt (uncle's wife) whom brought this into my life and I simply fell in love with it. =} I was taken care by my grandma, who was then living with my uncle, my aunt and cousin. She taught me a lot since young. The love she gave me wasn't any lesser than her daughter.

Anyway, let's move on to another topic. I'm done with the only subject for the term test! =} I thought I should be happy. But, this also means that, I have to work double hard for my 4 projects! Sigh.. Stress stress... ...

OMG! It's almost 3am. I was still thinkning about going for a jog tmr morning. Hmm.. I shall forget about it. Haha... Still, I'm getting my beauty sleep. hehe... That's all for today. Thank you for reading my blog! Good night!

It shall not be a lie...

I'm a strong girl - We shall see... =}

The GREATEST Torture

I always thought that stress is the worse thing that can happen in life. It wasn't. Despite of how heavy I feel this semester's workload is, despite of having to spend 60% of my leisure time in doing school work, it is still not as bad as what I thought.

My only confort was Jeff's coming concert next year in March. I was really looking forward to it. Initially I was so glad and excited about it's existence. Somehow it is my only time which I think I can temporarily put aside all my worries and troubles, and have a good time.

However, it wasn't the way. I was reminding myself about the concert this morning, when this scary thought suddenly came across my mind. I was at the edge of crying. Can you believe it? What's so fun about going to a concert ALONE? Even if it's the most "happening" concert that will ever take place, and contains such a "WOW" factor, but you're going ALL ALONE! With no one to share the fun, the music and everything, what's so excited about it? I can't believe I was looking forward to the concert.

Jeff (Qing Ge Wang Zi - Prince of love song). So great. Am I suppose to cry ALONE listening to his songs? Loneliness. I never realise how torturous it can be until today. It is so much painful and lonelier than death. Only if death is a choice, seriously speaking, I wouldn't mind.

Bitting Bugs...

Memories - Bugs that come and go without warnings.

Same park; same exercise; same route. What's different?
Process: A lone jog
Feeling: It is no longer happiness. Bugs were bitting - very step of the jog hurts. Lethargic.
State of mind: To complete the route of torture asap.


[跑步是一项运动。但对我而言，它是被无数回忆环绕着的一项运动…]

How honest am I to myself?

"I can do it, I believe that I can do it!" Yes, this is how strong I thought I can be. Yet, there are times when I break into tears; too frequently... The process goes on and on.

Now, the question surfaced - how honest am I to myself? I can't find the answer to this question. How do you differentiate between determination and a lie? When I always tell myself that I can do it, there is always this doubt which I never have the courage to face - am I being brave, or am I just lying?I can't trust my own feelings (other than something which I'm so sure, but trying hard to make it unreal).

Perhaps you may/may not know what I'm referring to, but, the point is that - how, and where can I get the assurance so that I can settle down? I admit - I have created this wound that probably I'll never recover from. How foolish am I to land myself in such a dilemma...

Enjoyment in Service

It wasn't a good start by waking up at 7am in the morning when I have to reach school by 7.30am! Somehow I had a feeling that my ears will turn deaf to the alarm clock today. Usually I have to wake up lastest at 6.15am. I was rushing like mad this morning. But guess what? I managed to reach school by 7.30am sharp! Far too exciting ya???

The second thing which made me rush like mad today was the proficiency test marking scheme. I forgot to bring it! I ran all over the school to print the notes, but it was too early. None of the photocopying shops were opened. So I ran all the way from TCA to Business School (which is from one end of TP to the other), get the paper printed and make my way back to TCA.

What comes next was the test. I finished one station of the test (serving a table of 4) and went for lunch break. After that, the restaurant is open for operation. After the operation, I continued with the other 2 stations (setting & clearing a table for 4) Well, I don't really feel like talking abt the content of the test. All I know is: YES! IT'S OVER!!!

During the operation, I did waitressing for the day. The interaction with guests wasn't as much as being a captain. There wasn't time! I was wondering whether I should be happy about switching off the alarm clock. The "rushing" part made me much more alert during service. I learn teamwork today. We were busy, but we managed to handle it well. There wasn't much mistakes made in our area. I feel proud. Time flies today. The only silly mistake I ALMOST made today was to set table setting at 2.15pm, when last order was at 1.45pm. I thought it was still 1.15pm.

All in all, I was glad that my day did turn for the better. At least it ended with a smile. It was great, because service was great. I'm starting to fall in love with service!

Let me off...

I really miss my phone... I can't remember where I dropped it. Carelessness, as usual. I have not told my parents about it. I shall do it tmr, after I finish my proficiency test, and I'm prepared for a good scolding.

Things isn't going well for me recently. Many mistakes were made. Perhaps I wasn't determine enough to do what I was suppose to do, and stand firm and say "no" on what I wasn't suppose to do. I regretted.

All I hope for is simply peace. I don't want any surprises for the time being - not even a single one, please. let me off. that's all I wish for - even if I have to sacrifice the smile I own (perhaps it may not even worth a cent).

我好恨自己 - 我做不到

古巨基 - 不再是朋友
制作：欧阳洋葱

想哭一场
爱过不放 会受伤
不想 这样收场
好聚好散
说情愿 有点有点勉强
说再见 有时太难
若继续 结局又会怎样
有谁能伪装
说好分手 不作朋友
就算是他日重逢也不要挥手
只怕离开以后 你又再回头
怕我软弱将你挽留
情愿分手 不作朋友
只记得我们曾经都彼此拥有
看你临别时候 不舍的眼眸
对自己说 分手不再是朋友
看 看过往 那些快乐的时光
如今 早已散场 何必感叹
对从前 有过希望
对未来 有过幻想
一个人 生活是否平淡
时间是答案
说好分手 不作朋友
就算是他日重逢也不要挥手
只怕离开以后 你又再回头
怕我软弱将你挽留
情愿分手 不作朋友
只记得我们曾经都彼此拥有
看你临别时候 不舍的眼眸
对自己说 分手不再是朋友
对自己说 已经不是朋友

Limited Resources

I've decided to drop out of the OSIP, with the main reason being, low pay. I'ld be able to earn 4times the amount if I choose to do my SIP in Singapore. On top of that, if I perform well in the company in Singapore, I may be offered to be their part time staff. I love China seriously, and I would love to work there. But I can't deny the fact that, the pay offered there is low. I might just lose a great chance working in the industry I'm quite interested in recently-events.

Talking about events, my project group for MICE stayed back in school today to get our project started. There were plenty of things that we need to do. Perhaps we were a little late in getting the project started. Thus, we need to have our research done FAST! There are many other projects, assignments and tests waiting right at the door. We have no time to waste!

Yes, and why am I here talking about having short of time and keep on typing non-stop. Ok. that's it for today. I still have 10 pages of SSM glossary to memorise + tmr's menu. OMG. Kkz. Enough enough. but I just can't stop typing! (Really don't feel like memorising... can I type forever?)

The opportunity is here, I still can't decide.

OSIP result - Everyone who applied got in! I was talking nonsense through the entire interview. I could hardly understand what I was saying. Should I be happy? No.. The reason is, some of us back out, and they still have vacancies left, so eveyone who applied got in.

I've been wanting to go to China since I was eleven I guess. But here i am, wondering whether I should forgo this chance. The pay, the jobscope - wasn't to my liking. especially when the term "F&B" is being mentioned. The first thing that came across my mind was that horrible "TOPTABLE"! oh my god! ok.. Don't feel like talking abt it. This word makes me feel like dying..

Anyway.. how??? Should I go for the internship? Sigh.. how I wish I was kicked out..

Service Skills Methodology

My first time working in F&B industry (Toptable @ Temasek Culinary School), consists of...

~ 100% excitement
~ 99% nervousness
~ 90% disorganised
~ 80% grateful (to my 2waiters and headwaiter)*
~ 70% shiver
~ 60% satisfaction
~ 50% guilt *
~ 30% uncertainty
~ 10% anger

Initially I was taught about good service, and my expectation of receiving a good service rose. Now, I'm taught how to provide a good service, I think I'll learn how to be a patient customer. haha.. It wasn't a easy job at all! The nervousness did not come at the point of operation. It came right after I knew I was posted to be a captain.

Despite of all the preparation I've made, it became quite useless at the point when service was carried out. I didn't not say a word of what i've memorised yesterday. My mind was totally blank. I was shivering so badly in front of my first two customers that I can't even write my captain's order. Fortunately Joseph (headwaiter) helped me out.

There were many mistakes made along the way and things didn't run very smoothly. Despite of all the hipcups, the nervousness etc., I really feel that it's a very good experience being a captain (cos I get to interact with my customers the most).

The biggest satisfaction came from the comment card written by one of the customers I've served. She said she'll definitely be back again for my service! Just one compliment and it really marked my day. Perhaps she was just being nice, but to me it is more of an encouragement. All the nervousness was worth it-certainly. It drives me towards providing better services. I would really like to thank her, as well as the other customers I've served for their kind understanding as well as tolerance. A very big thank you!

As for the anger, hmm.. I don't see a need to make unpleasant mark in my first blog - so she's forgiven. =)