恨

我好恨。我恨这些不负责任的人。恨得我咬牙切齿。:'(

Awaiting~~

I'm am sooooo looking fwd to monday. I've been waiting so long for the release of exam results. It wasn't much of worrying, but excitement - cos i've aldy gave in my best.

Like what Paul Owen said, there'll definitely be chaos from "moving" of modules as the results are released. I'm really excited, because only till then, I can then start to plan what i should do. Despite of only signing up for 2 modules this semester, I really do have the urge to give up audit. Probably because both Tax and Audit are totally new modules, and I've been spending more (or probably too much) time on Tax.

Sometimes I really hate myself for being a slow learner. On top of that - a pretty bad memory. Its not just about working harder than others, but more of a waste of time. Aldy spent one extra year in Sec 5, and now - only get to pass an average of 2 modules per semester for ACCA. This is driving me crazy. And I still have no idea what works best for me. I really pray hard... Do let me pass both F7 & F9 - such that i can focus on tax (at least). Audit? talking about Audit - it is really a lesson to learn. Why on earth did i do something so dumb. I really really don't understand. Sigh.. no choice, I have to live with it.

This is a tough semester. but I'm not gonna let it bring me down. no way.

Getting across, moving on...

As things fall apart, so does your heart. But somehow, they'll be back into places before you realise it. While some may feel this way, I never feel that my family (therefore me) is rich. I've been through so much. And being 'rich' to me is more than just its literal meaning. You may be rich in your pocket, but empty at heart.

I wouldn't say that I always get what I wanted, because this would make it sounds too easy. Family, friends, as well as academic results - they only come to me through hard work. I may not fare well in these areas, I've been trying my best.

Communication seems to be my major issue when it comes to family and friends. Since young, I always feel that no one will care how I feel, no one understands what I want, or even if they do, they wouldn't be bothered. Even if I were to say something about how i feel, no one will listen. Afterall I did survive the years, until when I started to feel that this isn't gonna work because it seems like I'm losing all my friends. 

But after so many years it now seems tough to open yourself up to others because it has already been part of you. I've been trying hard to overcome this whole communication barrier by writing, by sms, or whatever method so long as it does not require me to 'face' the other party. Although it took me some time, I could now feel that things do improve. Hehe.. all I need is a little more courage to speak up. ;)

Hence afterall, Jesus loves me! I always know that. Things are taken away from me, so that I will work hard to achieve them. Things are returned back to me because Jesus knows that I've put in my effort. My life isn't smooth-sailing because Jesus wants me to learn - not to take things for granted. I am thankful for, and appreciate that :) for it makes me a better person. 

when "approaching disaster" leads to greater disaster..

This is probably the worst Wednesday I ever had for this semester. I always thought that the 7 hrs lecture was bad enough...

I went to school this morning.. took the lift up to my classroom at the fifth level, and saw somebody from the office sitting outside the lift. Student were queuing to tapping their card on that new system which I wasn't even aware when it started. Attendance was always signed in class. A sense of guilt came over me and I started calling my friend for help. 

What happened was, the class which i was going to attend was not registered under my name but my friend. I was trying to help her because as foreign students, it is a must for them to take up 3 modules every semester, regardless of whether they pass the previous modules or not. Somehow at the very moment, I regretted for being helpful.

She didn't pick up my calls, and i decided to simply pretend that nothing has happened, and walked into the classroom. I was lucky. Neither did she stop me from entering, nor went back to class and pointed me out. So i thought that was an approaching disaster until I met one real disaster in just 1.5hrs time... I've never felt so helpless. I just wanna cry.