不知到

不知到从何时开始，日子过的特别累。
不知到从何时开始，时间变得那么漫长。
不知到从何时开始，泪珠变得比往日平常。
不知到从何时开始，快乐的时光变得如此短站。
不知到从何时开始，“希望”与“失望”成为了好朋友。
不知到从何时开始，“不知到”成了我最常用到的回复。
不知到从何时开始，我的词典里剩下的就只有这一个字：

累

累

累

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Never the same

Results were released this noon. i have been waiting and excited for it. everything remains unchanged. in regards to the entire process upon getting the results (the excitement, motivation etc), until the moment i saw my results. i did well, in fact better than usual, but i no longer feel motivated or happy. For I know I will never have the time to achieve this much again. 

平衡点

匆匆忙忙的，又过了一年。这一年里发生了许多连我自己都无法相信的事。这大概就是所谓的命运吧。经过了那么多，对于“缘分”的存在-我毫无猜疑。似乎好多好多事，命运早以自有安排。人与人之间的缘分令人十分惊讶。也同时让我深深议会到“有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢”这名言佳句。一切的一切都在于天时、地利、人和。

心中有好多想法，好多遗憾，好多感触无法向外表达，更加没有立场表达。就好比，我真的好想问一句-你还好吗，过得快乐吗？有时当你最落魄的时候，你会发觉自己终究会有机会从新站起来。我把它列为“转弯点”。好希望你也已经找到你的转弯点，找到属于你的幸福。

对于我个人的转弯点，回想起来，我依然带着感恩的心态。当然有所收获，必有所牺牲。自从工作开始，简直忙得不可开交。有种强烈的感觉-感觉自己就快被撕成两半。有时候就连想吃一碗鱼圆面都觉得奢侈。我时常会静静的想，值得不？而究竟平衡点又在何处？不知到。我依然找不到答案；只能用“吃得苦中苦，方为人上人”这句俗谚来安慰自己。尽管遇到多少挫折，我都会坚持着。在难过的日子-咬紧牙关就撑过去了，是吧？=）

伤

时间过得越久，你就会看得越清楚。就算看不见也能用心感受。一幕幕都会深深地铭刻于心，想放也放不下，想抹也抹不掉，想忘也忘不了。因为没法让自己失意-从此，它在心底成了死结。从此，‘恨’在心底造了四面墙。从此，一生中所渴望的只剩下逃离...

a horrible way to end the day.

long time since I've last blogged. I've been busy doing revision for my tax. And blogging is definitely the last thing I would do at such period where time is a limiting factor. I can't help it. I'm at the edge of breaking down - the nightmares prior to exams and those things that have been irritating me for the past month - esp for a house of 6 pple  (inc the maid) being increased to 9 today. i hate the idea. entirely. I simply hate the noise, the difficulty in moving ard the house and many other things which noone can ever understand except living with them. Perhaps it isn't right to feel this way. but I can't help it.

Many times I have been thinking, and hoping that I can remain a full time student, until I graduate from ACCA. I really wished to. But everyday, every moment I'm home - I just wished that I can be more independent - financially. Having that thought of still being dependent on my parents just makes me feel frustrated with myself. I'm simply stuck with this scenario, and there's nth I could do. I promise myself - that I do whatever I can. to leave this place - asap. Because this is really tearing me apart.

Surprise 1,2,3

Surprise 1: Roses

I thought I was seeing things. When Mikhael tapped my shoulder from behind me and I turned around to see him holding a bouquet of roses. My first reaction was "Oh Xue Ying, save me...". haha... We were talking about such situations days ago. And I really didn't expect it to happen. I felt a little awkward, especially when all eyes fall on me. But I'm happy. Really. First time shopping with a bouquet of flowers. hehe...

Surprise 2: Dinner

The surprise wasn't exactly dinner. It's more of the timing and location. Initially I was told to have dinner at one of the restaurant at one of the restaurant at the shopping area of MBS. Next thing he said was to bring me to the hotel. Well... I know he was kidding. Although  he brought me to towards the hotel, I was guessing that he's bringing me to the infinity pool. And I almost confirmed that when he pressed the lift until he asked one of the staff members about getting to the restaurant upon reaching the level. Then I realised "Oh... time for dinner." Hehe.. Great. I was starving! :p

Surprise 3: Cake

I knew that there'll be a cake. I knew it. Until Mikhael said that the waiter was being rude by clearing our table (& thus intending to chase us away). I was thinking... "Oh, we're not having cake here." hehe... Mikhael said to stay a little longer. And I agreed. I thought he wanted to "relax & enjoy" the atmosphere a little. We were chatting, I was showing him some pictures from my phone, until I heard some sort of 'whistling' sound from behind me. I stared at the sparkling thing. I didn't realise it was a cake. I looked at him - smiling, and I turned to see that sparkling thing again. CAKE! hahaha... I was shocked!

My dear Mikhael, how many lies have you said today? Hahaha... Thank you for everything.. I just wanna say, its the thought that counts. And so, my best birthday ever. -hug-

my baby oreo

It was indeed a surprise when a bad news turned out to be a good one on 22 August. Thinking that she fell sick, we brought Oreo to the clinic. The vet suspected that it was cancer, and may have to put her to sleep. After the x-ray, it was confirmed that she was pregnant instead. We were looking forward to the birth of Oreo's little baby. The day never arrive. Today I brought her to the vet again, x-ray showed that the baby is starting to decompose in her womb. Decision I have to make: should I let her undergo a surgery to remove the womb? If I do - small animals as exposed to a higher risk of dying due to the anaesthetic for surgery.  If I don't - her womb might rot and she will die. But if I don't, there are chances whereby the baby might just harden after some time and her womb stays unaffected.

I recalled the day when Niu Niu died. She was down with flu, refused to eat or drink, causing her to be dehydrated. Brought her to the clinic, doctor suggested to give her a jab for her dehydration. She was fine then, except looking a little weak, but I agreed anyway. She was screaming. My heart was tearing. It was a totally wrong decision made. She died later in the evening. I suspected that it was due to stress caused by the jab. I caused her death. :'(

Oreo has been a great companion for the past 3.5 yrs - rain or shine. I love her. I really can't afford to lose her. I do not want Oreo to go through the same fate, I'll decide not to let her go through the surgery. Praying for her, dear Lord, Please bless Oreo... 

Healing and transforming God,
your love knows no boundaries, and in your sight every life is precious;
look with compassion on Oreo, and make us your agents of healing in a broken world.
Amen. 

                                                      <3 Oreo <3 Choco <3