Sunrise, Sunset

Never the same

2012-02-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

Results were released this noon. i have been waiting and excited for it. everything remains unchanged. in regards to the entire process upon getting the results (the excitement, motivation etc), until the moment i saw my results. i did well, in fact better than usual, but i no longer feel motivated or happy. For I know I will never have the time to achieve this much again.

平衡点

2012-02-10T08:57:00.000-08:00

匆匆忙忙的，又过了一年。这一年里发生了许多连我自己都无法相信的事。这大概就是所谓的命运吧。经过了那么多，对于“缘分”的存在-我毫无猜疑。似乎好多好多事，命运早以自有安排。人与人之间的缘分令人十分惊讶。也同时让我深深议会到“有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢”这名言佳句。一切的一切都在于天时、地利、人和。

心中有好多想法，好多遗憾，好多感触无法向外表达，更加没有立场表达。就好比，我真的好想问一句-你还好吗，过得快乐吗？有时当你最落魄的时候，你会发觉自己终究会有机会从新站起来。我把它列为“转弯点”。好希望你也已经找到你的转弯点，找到属于你的幸福。

对于我个人的转弯点，回想起来，我依然带着感恩的心态。当然有所收获，必有所牺牲。自从工作开始，简直忙得不可开交。有种强烈的感觉-感觉自己就快被撕成两半。有时候就连想吃一碗鱼圆面都觉得奢侈。我时常会静静的想，值得不？而究竟平衡点又在何处？不知到。我依然找不到答案；只能用“吃得苦中苦，方为人上人”这句俗谚来安慰自己。尽管遇到多少挫折，我都会坚持着。在难过的日子-咬紧牙关就撑过去了，是吧？=）

伤

2011-11-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

时间过得越久，你就会看得越清楚。就算看不见也能用心感受。一幕幕都会深深地铭刻于心，想放也放不下，想抹也抹不掉，想忘也忘不了。因为没法让自己失意-从此，它在心底成了死结。从此，‘恨’在心底造了四面墙。从此，一生中所渴望的只剩下逃离...

a horrible way to end the day.

2011-11-15T07:15:00.000-08:00

long time since I've last blogged. I've been busy doing revision for my tax. And blogging is definitely the last thing I would do at such period where time is a limiting factor. I can't help it. I'm at the edge of breaking down - the nightmares prior to exams and those things that have been irritating me for the past month - esp for a house of 6 pple (inc the maid) being increased to 9 today. i hate the idea. entirely. I simply hate the noise, the difficulty in moving ard the house and many other things which noone can ever understand except living with them. Perhaps it isn't right to feel this way. but I can't help it.

Many times I have been thinking, and hoping that I can remain a full time student, until I graduate from ACCA. I really wished to. But everyday, every moment I'm home - I just wished that I can be more independent - financially. Having that thought of still being dependent on my parents just makes me feel frustrated with myself. I'm simply stuck with this scenario, and there's nth I could do. I promise myself - that I do whatever I can. to leave this place - asap. Because this is really tearing me apart.

Surprise 1,2,3

2011-10-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Surprise 1: Roses

I thought I was seeing things. When Mikhael tapped my shoulder from behind me and I turned around to see him holding a bouquet of roses. My first reaction was "Oh Xue Ying, save me...". haha... We were talking about such situations days ago. And I really didn't expect it to happen. I felt a little awkward, especially when all eyes fall on me. But I'm happy. Really. First time shopping with a bouquet of flowers. hehe...

Surprise 2: Dinner

The surprise wasn't exactly dinner. It's more of the timing and location. Initially I was told to have dinner at one of the restaurant at one of the restaurant at the shopping area of MBS. Next thing he said was to bring me to the hotel. Well... I know he was kidding. Although he brought me to towards the hotel, I was guessing that he's bringing me to the infinity pool. And I almost confirmed that when he pressed the lift until he asked one of the staff members about getting to the restaurant upon reaching the level. Then I realised "Oh... time for dinner." Hehe.. Great. I was starving! :p

Surprise 3: Cake

I knew that there'll be a cake. I knew it. Until Mikhael said that the waiter was being rude by clearing our table (& thus intending to chase us away). I was thinking... "Oh, we're not having cake here." hehe... Mikhael said to stay a little longer. And I agreed. I thought he wanted to "relax & enjoy" the atmosphere a little. We were chatting, I was showing him some pictures from my phone, until I heard some sort of 'whistling' sound from behind me. I stared at the sparkling thing. I didn't realise it was a cake. I looked at him - smiling, and I turned to see that sparkling thing again. CAKE! hahaha... I was shocked!

My dear Mikhael, how many lies have you said today? Hahaha... Thank you for everything.. I just wanna say, its the thought that counts. And so, my best birthday ever. -hug-

my baby oreo

2011-10-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

It was indeed a surprise when a bad news turned out to be a good one on 22 August. Thinking that she fell sick, we brought Oreo to the clinic. The vet suspected that it was cancer, and may have to put her to sleep. After the x-ray, it was confirmed that she was pregnant instead. We were looking forward to the birth of Oreo's little baby. The day never arrive. Today I brought her to the vet again, x-ray showed that the baby is starting to decompose in her womb. Decision I have to make: should I let her undergo a surgery to remove the womb? If I do - small animals as exposed to a higher risk of dying due to the anaesthetic for surgery. If I don't - her womb might rot and she will die. But if I don't, there are chances whereby the baby might just harden after some time and her womb stays unaffected.

I recalled the day when Niu Niu died. She was down with flu, refused to eat or drink, causing her to be dehydrated. Brought her to the clinic, doctor suggested to give her a jab for her dehydration. She was fine then, except looking a little weak, but I agreed anyway. She was screaming. My heart was tearing. It was a totally wrong decision made. She died later in the evening. I suspected that it was due to stress caused by the jab. I caused her death. :'(

Oreo has been a great companion for the past 3.5 yrs - rain or shine. I love her. I really can't afford to lose her. I do not want Oreo to go through the same fate, I'll decide not to let her go through the surgery. Praying for her, dear Lord, Please bless Oreo...

Healing and transforming God,
your love knows no boundaries, and in your sight every life is precious;
look with compassion on Oreo, and make us your agents of healing in a broken world.
Amen.

<3 Oreo <3 Choco <3

fragile, please handle with care.

2011-09-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

人 - 是不是会在生病时，心灵变得特别焦脆，想得特别多？

咳了一晚，头快裂开了。实在让人崩溃。 :'(

恨

2011-08-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

我好恨。我恨这些不负责任的人。恨得我咬牙切齿。:'(

Awaiting~~

2011-08-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm am sooooo looking fwd to monday. I've been waiting so long for the release of exam results. It wasn't much of worrying, but excitement - cos i've aldy gave in my best.

Like what Paul Owen said, there'll definitely be chaos from "moving" of modules as the results are released. I'm really excited, because only till then, I can then start to plan what i should do. Despite of only signing up for 2 modules this semester, I really do have the urge to give up audit. Probably because both Tax and Audit are totally new modules, and I've been spending more (or probably too much) time on Tax.

Sometimes I really hate myself for being a slow learner. On top of that - a pretty bad memory. Its not just about working harder than others, but more of a waste of time. Aldy spent one extra year in Sec 5, and now - only get to pass an average of 2 modules per semester for ACCA. This is driving me crazy. And I still have no idea what works best for me. I really pray hard... Do let me pass both F7 & F9 - such that i can focus on tax (at least). Audit? talking about Audit - it is really a lesson to learn. Why on earth did i do something so dumb. I really really don't understand. Sigh.. no choice, I have to live with it.

This is a tough semester. but I'm not gonna let it bring me down. no way.

Getting across, moving on...

2011-08-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

As things fall apart, so does your heart. But somehow, they'll be back into places before you realise it. While some may feel this way, I never feel that my family (therefore me) is rich. I've been through so much. And being 'rich' to me is more than just its literal meaning. You may be rich in your pocket, but empty at heart.

I wouldn't say that I always get what I wanted, because this would make it sounds too easy. Family, friends, as well as academic results - they only come to me through hard work. I may not fare well in these areas, I've been trying my best.

Communication seems to be my major issue when it comes to family and friends. Since young, I always feel that no one will care how I feel, no one understands what I want, or even if they do, they wouldn't be bothered. Even if I were to say something about how i feel, no one will listen. Afterall I did survive the years, until when I started to feel that this isn't gonna work because it seems like I'm losing all my friends.

But after so many years it now seems tough to open yourself up to others because it has already been part of you. I've been trying hard to overcome this whole communication barrier by writing, by sms, or whatever method so long as it does not require me to 'face' the other party. Although it took me some time, I could now feel that things do improve. Hehe.. all I need is a little more courage to speak up. ;)

Hence afterall, Jesus loves me! I always know that. Things are taken away from me, so that I will work hard to achieve them. Things are returned back to me because Jesus knows that I've put in my effort. My life isn't smooth-sailing because Jesus wants me to learn - not to take things for granted. I am thankful for, and appreciate that :) for it makes me a better person.

when "approaching disaster" leads to greater disaster..

2011-08-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

This is probably the worst Wednesday I ever had for this semester. I always thought that the 7 hrs lecture was bad enough...

I went to school this morning.. took the lift up to my classroom at the fifth level, and saw somebody from the office sitting outside the lift. Student were queuing to tapping their card on that new system which I wasn't even aware when it started. Attendance was always signed in class. A sense of guilt came over me and I started calling my friend for help.

What happened was, the class which i was going to attend was not registered under my name but my friend. I was trying to help her because as foreign students, it is a must for them to take up 3 modules every semester, regardless of whether they pass the previous modules or not. Somehow at the very moment, I regretted for being helpful.

She didn't pick up my calls, and i decided to simply pretend that nothing has happened, and walked into the classroom. I was lucky. Neither did she stop me from entering, nor went back to class and pointed me out. So i thought that was an approaching disaster until I met one real disaster in just 1.5hrs time... I've never felt so helpless. I just wanna cry.

原来

2011-07-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

原来幸福可以那么简单。好久没有那么开心，那么轻松。

这样就足够了 =）

一片混乱

2011-07-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

从来不会这样子，生活一片混乱。似乎好像失去了灵魂。走路都像梦游，失去了平衡感。每天都不知到那一天是怎么过的。就连怎么呼吸都不记得。

对于考试成绩，我毫无信心。前方的路一片黯然，掩盖了思绪，掩盖了生活中的大大小小，更掩盖了一切计划。这时候的自己什么也不想做，可是真的没时间了。十二月又要考试了。。

真，假。

2011-07-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

很多时候我觉得自己很好笨。别人说什么我都信。你说“没有",我不会怀疑你"有”。明知道真相很痛，却又忍不住想要揭穿一切。我真的不该，不该把对你最美好的印象给破坏。为何念了那么多书却还是那么傻？有谁能教教我如何分辨真假？难道朋友之间就没有诚实可言？

好期待明天。好想快点见到我最亲的家人。好想忘记今晚所发现的一切谎言...

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

表弟的生日
今天只逗留了一会儿，觉得很不好意思。可是真的没办法。虽然礼物和祝福都送上了，还是想真心祝福他，但愿他今天的灿烂笑容时时刻刻都跟随着他。（=

给：佑珊

2011-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

美女！

从公园绕了一圈回来，途中突然想到你。不知到怎么跑着跑着，心里觉得好难过，好感慨。更想抱着你哭。昨天一早到机场接你的画面一一浮现。缘分真的很奇妙。天涯海角都让我们遇见了，还那么要好。想起昨天聊的话题，发觉我们似乎同命相连。幸福那么简单，却怎么离我们那么遥远，那么遥不可及。难道真是因为报应吗？

如果你看见我今天的博客，一定觉得我好傻。只是此刻的我，只能偷偷的躲在房里流泪... 或许幸福从来都不属于我。我也走不进“幸福"的世界里...

Falling in Love

2011-07-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

Classes begin. Supposedly I should have no time for any other things. Somehow, I don't seem to be in a right state of mind to start school. I am not prepared. Instead of doing revision today, I had done nothing. I went for a jog in the afternoon, went to school for a wasted trip and back home for a nap, and for another jog at night. There goes my day.

I've begun to fall in love with gym. Unlike the heart, everything seems clear there. The speed, the time, and the distance. It seems to be the only place where I could feel my existence. and I'm starting to fall in love with it. You shall never know how addictive it could be, until you fall in love, and so, the pain that comes along with it. (:

An ending holiday

2011-07-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

My 2weeks of holiday simply comes to an end in a blink of eyes. There it goes, and everything of hard work starts all over again. I knew that this would be a tougher semester - after so much changes. Every part of my life seems new - new life, new school, new friends (hopefully), new modules...

I'm not sure if such changes are welcomed, and whether I'm ready to adopt to such changes. All I'm sure is that such changes have provided me with new options, and therefore new decisions to be made. That's the part which I hate most. They just left me with tons of uncertainties which disrupt plans. And that repeats the planning cycle all over again.

Somehow I feel that this semester will not be a smooth one. But all I can do is wait, when the exam results are out. I am worried, so worried to the extent that I couldn't start any plans for now. If it happens that I failed both modules (which I really hope that will not happen), all plans made will have to be postponed. Crazy. If that's the case, when will I be able to graduate??!

Too many issues are haunting me. I couldn't even get a night of good rest. Waking to umpteen times in the middle of the night and forcing myself to get to sleep. and forcing myself to sleep longer in the morning because I know that I haven't got enough rest, when my body alarm is reminding me that it's time to wake up. Suddenly feel that sleep can be this miserable. or life can be this miserable.

I had a long jog last night in the park. It was more than twice the distance I would usually jog. During the jog, I was hoping that somehow I would just disappear, or vanish - altogether, and gone with the wind.

因为了解，所以心痛...

2011-07-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

你總是這樣說我　像一顆不容易溶化的糖果
帶我見你的朋友　又很得意的埋怨我沉默

＊　你追問我的行蹤　你在乎我的舉動
哄得我淚眼迷濛　做些事情讓我被感動

望著你　突然一陣心痛　一次又一次任那感情放縱
你的脆弱　讓我走不開　你的依賴　所以我存在

想著你　還是想到心痛　期待我做的　將來你都會懂
有一天　真如果有一天　但願我還在你記憶中　＊

最美丽的结局...

2011-06-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

我花了三天的时间把整部《宫锁心玉》看完了。当我开始看第一集的时候，还以为自己弄错了。明明是部古装剧却是从现代21世纪开始的。
记得我在看还珠格格的时候曾经幻想自己有一天也能够像《宫锁心玉》里的晴川一样 - 穿越时空回到过去。现在想想是很傻。还以为那个时代的人应该不会那么有竞争力，比我们现在幸福。其实那时代的人为了生存其实一点也不容易。看了第一集时钩起了我不少小学时的回忆。
但是整部让我回忆最深刻的是在最后一集。雍正皇写给晴川的一封信。信里是这么写的：

你见或者不见我，我就在那里不悲不喜。
你念或者不念我，情就在那里不来不去。
你爱或者不爱我，爱就在那里不增不减。
你跟或者不跟我，我的手就在你手里不舍不弃。
来到我的怀里，或者让我住进你的心里。
默然相爱寂静欢喜。

真的很感人。只是晴川爱的，并不是他，而是八啊哥。晴川为了希望他们感情不再恶化下去，选择了在九星连珠之日回到21世纪。结局我超爱。因为那年奇迹般的有两次九星连珠，也把八啊个带去了21世纪。

我在想，如果每一个故事的结局都能如此完美，那该多好...

幸福是...

2011-06-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

幸福是当你身边的人感到幸福时，自己也会随着他们的幸福而幸福. (:

结束，开始...

2011-06-25T04:32:00.001-07:00

一段故事的结束总连接着另一段故事的开始.

在未来的旅途中,

我深信我们都会找到彼此更加珍惜的伴侣.

总有一天,一定会...

而你依然还是 - 我最珍惜的你... (:

2011-04-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

2011

2011-01-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

时间匆匆而过，一转眼又是新的学期，新的一年。去年是忙碌的一年，但似乎今年似乎并不比今年来得轻松。一开学就已经忙得头昏脑专。现在才真正体会到时间的宝贵。学校的压力就好比在心中的大石，把整个人都压得紧紧的，压得喘不过气来。学如不及，犹恐失之 - 所以想深入学习。可又担心会耗费太多时间。一个字形容。烦。

更烦人的是，要如何才能远离身边事物，静下心来，好让眼前剩下的只有我，和它(本子)？

Rabbit Muffin - 一只生病而被遗弃在宠物店外的兔子

2010-11-03T02:49:00.000-07:00

“还以为领养你能带给你最好的照顾，并且好好疼爱你。怎么知道... Muffin，虽然我们相处的时间不到一天，但你要知道，你不是孤独的。我把你抱在怀里的那一刻，我只希望你知道，还是有人那么珍惜你，那么爱你，永远爱你...”

献给-choco baby

2010-10-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

无论你在天涯海角，你永远都是 - 我一生中最爱。（思念-choco baby）

空壳

2010-09-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

第二学期的课已经上了一半。短短的两个半月，课堂的内容实在不少。我学习的效率是越来越慢了。不知是不是因为当了家教，因此复习的时间少了。每次刚复习完，一回头，复习过的内容就开始模糊不清了。真的好讨厌自己那么差的记性。别人用十分钟完成的事我却得用双倍的努力才能完成。

这阵子的我如个空壳。我好想知道如何把这空荡荡的心填满。‘未来’好模糊。因怕前面有个坑，所以没勇气往前行。只有如幽魂般飘荡才能避免自己掉进坑里。时间渐渐过去，我还能逃避多久，还能飘浮多久?

自从开学，昨天是我心情最好的一天。也许听着啊哲的歌是唯一让我觉得开心的事。似乎烦恼都渐渐如白云般散开。歌词感人(难过)的内容依然能带给我一份安全感。‘幸福’，我找不到。可能我一生中最大的幸福就在此吧。

希望我能从中得到力量，使我继续往前奋斗。

nothing goes right - but happy afterall =)

2010-04-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

it was early in the morning, i woke up - decided that i should go for a jog. walked towards the window, the sky looked gloomy, as if i was about to rain. and i decided to to back to sleep. when i woke up, i realised that it did not rain at all. it was not the sky that was gloomy. it was me without my spects (ok.. as well as my laziness).
When i finally woke up, washed up, i went school to register for my examination. having the thought that being early would put me in a good position in choosing the desired slot/date

(which is one week after my F1 paper on 24 april), i realised that i was totally wrong when i was staring hard at the schedule - hoping that the harder i stare, the more chance of having the '19 May 10' (the first slot in May) being changed to '9 May 10'. it kinda irritates me whenever sth happens - out of the way as planned. 19 May is just too near to my other 2 papers!
That started the 'wrong mood' for afternoon class. i tried hard to concentrate, but simply couldn't figure out the logic/link in the content of the lecture. i thought that perhaps revising at home, thinking and figuring out alone would help (usually it does).. but it doesn't.
bought sth online - it was not received. i argued with that person who initially gave me an "we have adly sent - call singpost and ask. it none of our business" impression. 2nd irritation of the day. but luckily he apologised. reply me in a professional tone. explained and gave me more advice of what i could do - that was a good service recovery. but still, i need to waste time calling singpost.
lastly, sth which i'm not too sure if that was what that ends my day with a smile - with satisfaction - with my undone revision right in front of me.

折磨

2010-03-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

時間過得好快﹐轉眼間就快考試了! 現在每天簡直手忙腳亂。感覺自己生存在無奈中。日子過得快喘不過氣來了。我有個不祥的預感 - 接下來的日子會越來越忙﹐將不會再平靜。

有時候會懷疑﹐究竟自己要的是怎樣的生活。並且會有傻傻的念頭 - 如果我不是在這花花綠綠的時代里出事那該多好。什麼也不用想。因為在那個時代﹐大概根本沒有我選擇的權力。

說到選擇﹐那是我最最討厭做的事。人生為甚麼要作出那麼多選擇? 它對我來說是種痛苦﹐是種犧牲。因為無論你作出哪個抉擇﹐你都犧牲了擁有其餘‘選擇’的權力。就好比有一天上帝對你說: "你想擁有財富(但體制虛弱)﹐或健康(但貧窮)?"。這不是進退兩難嗎? 有時候寧願自己‘無從選擇’﹐免去了那‘犧牲’的痛。

我並不是在說廢話! 如果有一天有一個算命先生告訴你那麼一句話:"一旦你‘有錢’﹐你的身體並會十分差。" 你會怎麼辦?

sometime it just happens...

2010-02-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

you wouldn't exactly understand how it feels like when something happens - until it happens to you.

speechless..

what a great chinese new year..

Distracted...

2010-02-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

Haven't really been doing what i was supposed to be doing. notes since last week were not yet completed.. it will be crazy - when i decides to work hard again. torturing..

nevertheless, i had enjoyed myself this one week. done so much things - other than doing revision.

Last Thursday: Went kbox with peiyu&connie.
Last Saturday: Went Sentosa with tony for a walk. & shopping for CNY clothes at Vivo.
Last Sunday: BBQ with my cousins at my house.
Past Monday: Celebrated Jacinth's belated 21st birthday.
Past Tuesday: Went for a haircut at PS with Tony.
Yesterday (Wednesday): Bake CNY cookies..
Today (Thursday): Just came back from Kbox with Tony.
Result from the past colourful week = no notes, no revision, and the zombie me..
I feel LETHARGIC!
I feel FREE!

but...

I feel the STRESS too!

gosh.. shall work on my notes tmr.. hard hard.. haha.. =P

happy birthday to tony's mum~

2010-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 10am this morning, after less than 5 hours of sleep? the feeling was horrendous! woke up.. wasted some time.. can't really remembered what i did.. and went on typing out my notes for F1. I almost died from the sneezing.. the feeling of "so hot yet so cold" couldn't be more irritating..

went over to tony's place at about 6pm, had dinner, cut cake, play with his niece..and came back. he droved me home, dropped me at the lobby. and SUDDENLY, i saw a pot of "mini orange" plant at the lobby. and i recalled of the incident last year. I was asking tony how come no one steals the orange from the plant. and I decided to find out the answer by plucking out an orange, and.... EAT IT!

haha... and I discovered why.. cos it was sour. real sour.. >.<

there goes another day. and will be going for doctor appointment tmr. plus JAB. sucks...

happy birthday to christine~

2010-01-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

just celebrated christine's birthday with her eating steamboat. the two ambitious persons took so much food that they couldn't even finish the first serving. just a word to describe how we were feeling - bloated. took a walk and we went to mac at bugis junction for a drink. we chatted until 3am, and decided that we should take a cab home.

she thanked me for accompanying her tonight. but instead, i felt more of her accompanying me. at least i can keep my tears away with her ard me. how fortunate. i didn't even lose my temper over the taxi driver who took 45mins to drive me home from bugis. =)

i'm feeling so tired, and down with sorethroat and flu. but i dun wish to sleep. simply couldn't bear to end this happy night. only if this could last a little longer..

'哭'成习惯了吗?

2010-01-29T08:58:00.000-08:00

好可怕。自从中三至今 - 好久没这样了。心里闷闷的，好想哭，好难过。无论那天过得多快乐，始终摆脱不了这种感觉。身体似乎有一部分坏掉了。究竟是心脏吗?眼睛?还是大脑?

疯掉

2010-01-26T13:48:00.000-08:00

昨晚好迟睡。5.30AM我就被一场恶梦下哭了，醒了。好累... 但我却又不能从哭泣中恢复过来。我好怕...

希望沉重会消失

2010-01-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

刚跑步回来，洗了澡人精神多了。昨晚一整晚没睡好。凌晨三点半起床 - 有一种莫名的安慰 -"终于天亮了"。好奇怪的感觉。那似乎像一种解脱。但当我发现门缝间有着一道光线时，嘴角的笑容暗淡了下来。原来客厅还亮着灯，代表着弟/妹还没睡。也代表了我在一秒前所谓的"解脱"也只是幻想而已。心里好不舒服，但只有毫无睡意地把双眼闭上。

再次睁开双眼时，天已经亮了。但不知道为什么这一次我并不感到安慰。心里有好多好多的感触。两行泪水从眼角滑下。花了一会儿把心情收拾好，梳洗过后，换了套运动服 - 发泄去了。虽然人是精神了，但心里莫名的沉重却令我坎坷不安。我真的恨得牙痒痒。现在只有找些事做，希望那份沉重会消失。

F1, F2, F3... + F4 ?????

2010-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

It sounds like a good news upon hearing that the exams of the subjects that i'll be taking are MCQ based. Yet it bacame a dilemma when the lecturer told us the entire course structure. My initial plan was to complete this course within 2.5 yrs (hopefully..)

2010

1st sem: F1, F2, F3

2nd sem: F4, F5, F6

2011

1st sem: F7, F8, F9

2nd sem:P1, P2, P3

2012

1st sem: P4, P5, P6, P7 (choose 2)

* same colour indicates same subject at different levels

If I can push F4 to this sem (and pass all..), i'll be able to do F7 next sem, which makes more sense. if I skipped this subject (after F3 this sem) next sem, i may probably forget the foundation.

but the issue is.. if i only do F1 (tue class), F2 (wed class) and F3 (fri class), I'll be able to concentrate on these foundation subjects! Sigh.. and that the classes for F4 on thur is already full. And the only class i can sign up for is (fri night class), which means my friday schedule will become 2-6pm, 6.45-10.15pm. MADNESS!!

I hate to make such decisions.. neither here nor there. Looking at the amt of notes I have for only F2 and F3, i think both choices (take or not to take F4) are just as bad.

first day of school..

2010-01-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

i know this title sounds weird.. cos it's like my 5th "first day of school" since kindergarten. well.. i was kinda excited before today. i don't know why. but the moment i stepped into the auditorium, the excitement faded. A new environment indeed, but nothing alien. I got this "lecture again" feeling. In another word it's simply... boring. and i can't stop yawning throughout the lesson.

4 hours of lesson, and the lecturer spent 2 hours introducing the school, the module, advancement, and himself.. and by the end of the 2 hours, i was almost done reading and understanding the lecture notes. I was listening initially.. but halfway through he was cracking too much lame jokes to the extent that it was getting onto my nerves. and i simply have to do sth to prevent myself from having the "ha ha ha.. very funny" thought. watever..

The end of the 4th hour indicates the freedom of my restlessness. Woohoo! but it wasn't too free afterall.. at least my arms aren't. i carried the 2cm thick textbook to school, which then the lecturer announced it as good news, saying tt we do not have to bring to for class. the problem is.. on top of that, i still have to carry the 3cm thick notes supplied by the lecturer home. And home meaning from campus to aljunied train station, standing all the way till pasir ris train station, buying dinner at whitesands and walking home!

A new module tmr.. now i wonder if i should bring the textbook to school. sigh.. okok.. just bring.. i pray hard for history not to repeat. oh god, please be kind to me!

又是一天

2009-12-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

現在的時間是凌晨十二點十分﹐ 再過二十三小時加五十分就是2010年了。說實在地﹐我一點也不因此而興奮。反而覺得有好多好多感觸﹐使淚水變得無奈。每夜獨自一人時﹐總免不了"心事"的侵略。

其實我好想說服自己﹐其實我已經好幸福。至少今天我開心了一整天~

當

2009-12-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

當
你的難過﹐無人了解。
你的痛苦﹐無人體會。

當
你的無助﹐無人諒解。
你的沉默﹐無人理會。

當
你的迷惘﹐無人能助。
你的煩惱﹐無人能解。

當
萬分無奈﹐涌上心頭。
眼淚何藏﹐答案何尋?

This cat is really testing my patince... But I love it! (Part II)

2009-11-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

Rolling in the Hay - Les chatons dans le foin

I can't believe it. I went back to my previous post to check on the date when I had completed the first cat on the left. It was 12 Dec 07 - almost 2 years ago.

And now - I've only completed about 65% of the picture. A picture of 42 colours - this really makes me dizzy. But I'm gonna complete this real soon! I love these cats. Really Sweet..

I started this picture officially (after the completion of the first cat) only after I left starhub. Time flies. I've already stayed home for about 1.5 months.

Another 1.5 months before school starts. But I'm already rotting at home - feeling restless and useless. Haha.. Perhaps I should get back to work to kill time; and earn more pocket money before school starts at the same time.

Actually I'm pretty excited about school. Really can't wait to start, and complete the 2.5 years of studies. Yet to think of it, life is a pretty long journey to be completed. I would rather spend more time studying before being settled down joining the workforce - and there it'll be for the rest of my life.

I really need to plan - my life. But I have no idea where to start. I still cannot foresee my life in
the next 5 years to come. Only if I'm one of the cat in the picture, where I can just lie there, feel nothing, think nothing.. Haha.. But no.. I can't be tt useless. I dun't want to. what about u?

2009-10-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

Sigh... i'm not lazy in the sense t didn't blog. just wasn't in the right mood to blog. everytime i wanted to blog, i couldn't think of sth nice to write or discuss about. life isn't that great recently. didn't know what i have been doing. just wasn't really happy..

and yes, alvin wants me to write about my birthday celebration. i really have no idea. actually i'm not very sure pple are interested. which i think not many. maybe some of my friends were.. thanks for ur prompt response.. that was sth which sets me looking for the birthday party. i really really appreciate that.

For my friends who are not going, thanks for ur response as well. i'm really sorry that it's on weekdays. especially for those who can't make it due to ns. as well as some other reasons which I've accepted, and NOT. some reasons (or rather excuses) just sounds too ridiculous. . YOU are just not impt from this moment. Thus, it does not matter anymore.
Am I excited? haha... definitely! nevertheless, I'm looking forward to see those attending! But I'm sad too. Cos alvin can't join us here! sob...

Alvin, I was busying preparing the decorations, confirming the attandance, deciding on the buffet vol. and stuffs like tt. somehow i have a feeling that sth from the atmosphere is missing. what else?? i guess i really need help..

YES! And I almost forgot someone! KEITH TEO!!

疯子

2009-09-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

不知道当初说要换名字的决定对不对。我似乎感觉到一些改变，但却又说不上来。是我自己多疑吗? 我真的不知道到底发生了什么事。就是一种莫名的感触。

我似乎被撕成了两半，变成了一个产生两种不一样的思想的人。这种感觉好难受。最近我一直猜想-终究我是否还是我。在我还没"成功"之前，我已经快被这两个自己逼成活死人了。

New name, new life?

2009-08-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

4 August - I changed my name from Tan Mei Xuan to Tan Yi Jing. Some sort of reflection to be done here -How has life been for the past 2 weeks? Hectic. Hasn't been sleeping well. Yesterday I have realy got no mood for work. I went to the doctor for mc, and was given 5 sleeping pills. just 5. I was used to be given 10. Anyway I've not taken any.

I'm getting sick of work. it was good initially when i just gotten use to it. but i wasn't when u got too use to it, when u know to much which u shouldn't. who exactly are you really working with? I know tt dofferent pple have difernt characteristics, and tt it's not possible to be friends with everyone. but i just simply hate the feeling. sometimes i wonder if i prefer working alone. when i was in i love children, when i was working alone. i love that peacefulness. and i really missed it. the days where u knew that there are so much to be completed, yet still look forward to work.

Well, enough of the once upon a time. Perhaps I should start taking the pills. I need them. I need more. I hate to wake up feeling nervous and excited over nothing. I hate work. I hate myself. when life on earth is as good as in hell...

i'm trying hard to type sth

2009-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

after starring at the screen for 10mins, i seriously have no idea what i should write. it's bernice's late day at work today. i guess days without her in starhub would be boring. initially my impression of her was a little rude. but i didn't blame her. i think she was too irritated by the number of times i did things wrongly, and the numer of time she must remind me on how to get it done right. of cos i know it can be quite irritating at times to keep repeating the same things daily. it's like what i'm doing in starhub daily. anyway, i'll really miss her. =)

Better days?

2009-06-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

Days have been getting better.. Work - for the past few weeks have been less hactic. and i have my ways to deal with the irritating, stupid and arrogant customers - to give them the least reaction; as if you can't be bothered, and to feed them with facts (we are only part-timers - so make ur way to the full-timers inside!).

Better days? not really. nth could be better having being tied down to sth which you aren't enjoying at all, without the least satisfaction. Customer service is fun. but it isn't true when most customers aproach you with anger, waiting for you to scream back at them so that they have an opportunity to make a complaint on you.

In order to provide myself with a good reason why I'm here to work, I'll have to count down to the additional amt of money I've earned each time when I at the clock on the screen. And the period when I feel a little energetic? - my breaks. hehe..

I had an innitial intention to work on tuesday to earn OT, but still yet to confirm. I'm already feeling kinda sick of working for 3days, and my next off day after next tuesday will only be saturday. should I..?

厌倦

2009-06-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

不知不觉地以过了三个星期。这短短的时间里却令我厌倦了这种生活。我想这只是恶梦的开始。那个地方有如地狱。到那里去的都是混帐、是魔鬼。如果它们都以死了，我依然希望它们再多死几次！！

自从接了这份工，我突然好讨厌现在的自己 ─ 一生气的自己。我讨厌这样的环境。我不快乐-真的不快乐；但我不能哭-尤其在他人面前。

起初我真的没想过会是这样子过。过去在新加坡旅游局当CSO时让我爱上了这份工作。同样的名称，但环境与责任却截然不同 ─ 近乎天渊之别。同事其实不错，就是环境实在要人无法忍受。

明天（还有无数个明天）将又是漫长的一天。到底这场恶梦会延续多久，我又还得维持多久? 我简直快崩溃了！

Summary

2009-05-21T04:35:00.000-07:00

How should I get the ball rolling...

Have been busying job searching since the past 2 months.. went for interviews, got into biotherm, 2days of training, 2days of work, and I quit the job. Firstly, I really can't accept the pay. I thought I could. $6 per hr, regardless of wkday or wkend. PH $7. I was scheduled to work only 12 days for the entire of May. so... goodbye to Biotherm.

Continue searching for another job, and I'm now working for starhub under an agency. Yesterday was my 3rd day of work. The job itself isn't very cool, but my colleagues are! And the pay is somewhat acceptable. Well well well.. that's only if I stop comparing with the pay I'd received when I was with STB..

Oh yes.. and school.. I registered for Mathematics and Economics in UOL.. I decided to change course (A&F), but I was told that i had to accept this course before i could actually do the switch. and that I could only switch only after the first year (since first year takes the same subjects), and that someone drops out from A&F. which means that, if no once drops out, I'll have to continue with studying maths. so... should I wait for next yr's aug's intake? I really have no idea it's worth the wait..

A lovely BBQ gathering

2009-04-25T19:30:00.001-07:00

3rd cousins gathering. we organized a bbq gathering at my house. with a budget of $220 and 11 people, and a remaining of $11.50, it was obvious that we bought excess food. I bought most of the food (luckily with the help of my mum to prepare them), cooked beehoon (I was cooking halfway but tony insist that he should cook so it would be edible) and helping to eat! but after the cooking part, I was so tired that I dun really have the appetite to eat. Just feel like sleeping..

thanks to me for buying 80% of the food. thanks to tony for making the beehoon edible (eh.. i can cook nicer than that ok.. just that too long never cook).. thanks to alvin, shuyi and wei wei for buying the satay and otah.. thanks to jess and wei wei to make another trip to the ntuc to buy MORE (?!? I was still full from yesterday that i only drank plain water for breakfast this morning) food.. of cos thanks to our biao jie fu for starting the fire.. last but not least thanks to all for helping out, for coming, and to clear the food.

we were having fun until the stupid f**king old bald security guard came to spoil our mood. in the end? we scolded him off. muahahaha.. alvin shall type the complaint letter and we'll send it to the management. Shall make sure he gets (at least) a warning or sth.. it happens everytime.. what wrong with those dogs. dun they have sth better to do?

BBQ gathering

2009-04-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

Crazy morning, Crazy me

2009-04-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

My alarm went off this morning, and I actually reacted to it. It hasn't been so since I finished the subpaper, since waking up on time isn't any crucial anymore. The first reaction to the alarm was usually "noisy", and next I'll simply turn it off. Yet a little adnormal today. My first reaction to the usual "noise" became "exercise". Of course that was what the alarm was suppose to be meant for in the first place...

Then Tony called. That's my second alarm I supposed. Haha.. And I told him that I think I still want more sleep. After putting down the phone, my eyes were wide awake, and I dun really feel like sleeping anymore. I felt a little excited.. a little worried.. a little... i don't know.. Just out of the norm - feeling WEIRD.

I washed up, got changed, a cup of water and two cream cracker to go with, put on my sports shoes, and off I set. But today, I didn't visit the park - simply too lazy to go the distance. I walked passed the swimming pool and peeped into the gym. Good - no people. Went to the guardhouse to get the key (yes, I still couldn't figure out why they have to keep the gym locked. STUPID, LAZY, USELESS GUARDS. I always feel that they're there for show. who do nth all day long except locking the back gate after midnight - as if it's our fault for returning home late, and prevent us from bringing our pets near the pool.) and started jogging on the track.

After twenty minutes, I thought I was dead. It wasn't this bad when I went jogging in the park. Perhaps it was the speed - Gym was 20mins maintaining the same speed, regardless of how breathless I was. A long time since I felt this lethargic after a jog, yet at the same time refreshing. I felt good =)

Now I'm wondering what I'm gonna do for the rest of the day (for the rest of the few months before school starts to be exact) before 6pm. Having tuition for a sec 1 girl. That's my first time tuitioning an outsider. If she isn't just in sec one, I guess I'll have to get some text books and tys to get myself prepared. So that's not the worse.

What's worse? I'm gonna know my new name tmr! freak.. an unknown name which I'm gonna use for the rest of my life. Oh God, please let it be nice.. Tonight will most probably be a sleepless nite..

what's on the tiny brain of mine..

2009-03-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

1. I need another haircut.. my fringe!
2. I seriously don't wanna move house. I love Pasir Ris!
3. I need a holiday - with my friends. but who wants to go with me??
4. I'm thinking of taking a course.. for SPA.
5. How long more does it take to get my new name done.. I'm applying sim with my current name. it's so troublesome to get it change.
6. I need a part-time job.
7. I need to complete the cross-stitch so I can get a new one.
8. I donnoe.. what's next on the list?

Finally..

2009-03-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

Poly is over.. finally.. Completed the suppaper yesterday and went to watch Marley & Me with Tony.. and that's the second time I'm watching it. the first time was with seokming, van and jacinth. it do sounds a little unbelieveable but that was our first outing since we first introduce ourselves to each other during year one orientation. Except jacinth. I know her only later in Tourism Academy in Sentosa during year two. We do talked, but we had our own clicks then. come to think of it, 3 years seems short, but there's so much which we have gone through. the tears, the argument...

Went too tony's place after the movie. went past the travel agency and picked up some brochures. I'm getting a little sick oof staying in this little boring island. I always wonder if someday, a gigantic monster will pick me up and dump me in an isolate island. perhaps that's when I know how to appreciate this petite Island. but now.. I really feel like escaping. I was looking at Keke yesterday during dinner, telling tony something ridiculous. I told him that I want to become Keke. She seems so satisfied with her life everyday. How good would it be if I'm in place of her.

I guess it's time for a change. I'm getting bored of myself. of my life. but before i can decide what i can do, I'm gonna spend my day watching huan zhu ge ge - for the 11th times.

一生的愿望

2009-03-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

记得念小学时，教师常常问我们将来长大后有什么志愿。男同学都不约而同地说以后长大后要当警察。而女同学就说要当护士，当老师。我想了一阵子，怎么想也想不到自己的志愿是什么。后来教师接着问，有谁的志愿当个家庭主妇。我毫不犹豫的举了手。同学们不禁大笑了起来。看看周围才察觉到原来似乎只有我一个人有这个念头。

直到今天，对于自己的志愿─依然一片模糊。曾经想过当经理。但发现原来那么漂亮的名称背后是多么的艰苦。也许是我脑筋转得慢，这种工作根本就不适合我。要我对着那些密密麻麻的文件简直要我生不如死。

每个人对于幸福的定义不同。“争”对我来说是自私、是丑陋。有些人为了能比你好，会不顾一切陷你与不义。我理想中的幸福是种分享、是种美德。愿望与幸福；志愿与成功。其中，我选择了幸福。我不需要荣华富贵，不想忙碌大半辈子就为了那些虚伪的物质来装扮自己。而我一生的愿望─与世无争。

一曲动人心弦的旋律

2009-02-28T04:17:00.000-08:00

小时候在外婆家常常从广播中听到这曲旋律。那时候大约五六岁吧。那时候的我每当听到时都不禁感到害怕。怕得躲在房子的一个角落。它总给我一种好凄凉，好无助的感觉。

两个月前，我在HMV买了Kenny G 的一张专辑-Love Ballads 时偶然中又让我再次听见了它。那时候才发现曲子歌名叫 Theme from Dying Young。年幼时对这旋律的感觉依旧。不一样的是-我竟然深深地爱上了它…

http://bluebells88.multiply.com/music/item/112/Love_Ballads
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB5e9Q5Isp0

When nothing goes well~

2009-02-26T01:53:00.000-08:00

Well, exams again~ Yet it hads been very discouraging since the preparation for it. When nothing goes well~

1. I was study hard, revising, copying notes as usual. The first bad news (the least expected news) - I failed my coursework for Destination Planning, which means even if I score well for the main exam paper, I'll still fail overall. Which means, I can only take the subpaper; when she gave us so much tips for the main paper, and worst still, I'm more than 60% done for the revision.

2. I bought a new black file for my notes. cos there were too much notes. I went to Mac for dinner, and I left it there! with all my written notes for Club Mgt in it! I almost jumped out of the window. But I got it back.

3. Ear infection ~ so hard to concentrate. so painful and the medicine made it itch so much. Super irritating.

4. After Club main paper - I LOST THE DAMN BLACK FILE AGAIN! I left it in the examination classroom! and I went back it wasn't there already. And I have a next paper in 2.5 hrs time. cannot concentrate. The file contains not only my Club notes, but also Spa notes (having exam for that the next day, which is tomorrow)Ran around the school looking for help - for the bloody file. Finally my lecturer managed to get it back for my from the chef invigilator. And guess what? I left my wallet on top of that file without even me noticing it until my lecturer asked me whether that belongs to me as well.

5. Club paper was fine. At least I'm certain that I can pass. Cruise? No idea. I was reading through the paper during the ten minutes of reading time. When the invigilator said "start", I simply skipped qn 1,2,3 and started with 4. After which, I was just praying hard "pls let me secure another mark." ok. PLEASE. Just let me pass.. (by the way, I just recalled the word 'pilot'. I was doing the comparison part. and I couldn't recall. So I named him "the person who fly the plane". -_-" SIGH!)

6. Another paper tmr. Spa Management. Although it isn't the last paper, (cos of the desti subpaper in march), still.. good luck to me. I really really need it.

The Career Fair Maze

2009-02-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

Jacinth, Seokming, Vanessa and I went for the Career fair in school today. We were looking around but there wasn't much choices related to our course. The first booth we went to was Marina Bay Sands, and after having the application formed filled up, we continued to see what else is being offered. Unfortunately, that was the only one.

Frankly speaking, as compared to my 3 other friends, I have no idea where i'm heading to. I wish to continue pursuing my studies of cos, but not knowing where and what to study. As we headed towards to end, there were three booths which caught their attention - NUS SMU and NTU. Apprently it does not appeal to me because I simply knew that I would not be able to get in with my currently GPA.

Some questions went through my mind. Where does the problem lies? Was it that I did not strive hard enough? What exactly was wrong? I just couldn't figure out. But even if I did figure it out, it was already too late for any amendments. Now, I eould just like to answer this very last and difficult question before this semester ends. Where exactly am I heading to?

NAPFA has never been this great~

2009-02-04T06:01:00.000-08:00

NAPFA has been a nuisance every since sec one, especially when I keep failing the same old station, and the amount of "trainings" the teacher would put us through irritates. Not mentioning 2.4km run which I had to take at least twice before I could actually pass due to asthma attacks.

Anyway, NAPFA today was simply great. It has need such a long time since this semester that I felt this relaxed. During the 4hrs, my mind was empty, so empty that stress was forgotten. And surprisingly I passed all my 5 stations! Regarding the 2.4km run, I have no strength to check how long I took. I had a bad headache after the run, and we need to wait for them to compile the results one by one in order to know how well/badly we did. My stomach was groaning!

NAPFA was enjoyable partly due to my friends. Jacinth, Peiyu and Valerie. It was such a regret that we wasn't in the same group with Peiyu and Valerie! Sad. But good enough. I'm already more than glad to complete this with them =D

Well, anyway, I went for dinner with Jacinth after that. We went for bubble tea before that. I had a great time chatting with her. It seems to be the first time we have chatted so much out of schoolwork. And glad to say that I've found another friend (a third friend) in poly of the same frequency. Seriously, its not easy. Especially now we're in the third year, last semester, last 23days in poly. Like what the auntie selling bubble tea said, it's fate. I'll definitely treasure it.

Sigh.. can't hide from it eventually. NAPFA has past, stress is back. Time to get back to spa tutorial. sob..

沉重

2009-01-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

今天课后和讲师聊了一会儿。聊着，我们从测验成绩聊到了我复习的过程。他说对我的印象深刻。因为我主动地向他索取关于课堂外的参考书。所以认为我非常积极，努力。

当时的我感触万分，有一种莫名的感动与难过。因为我有多么地无可奈何。因此我和他分享了我背后的挣扎。我努力的原因不是为了超越别人，也不是为了要别人知道我付出了多少努力。我只不过不想被抛在后头，被别人看不起。就这样而已…

我在理工学院的朋友少，不是因为我高傲。相反的，是因为我自卑。接近三年的挣扎，我却一直摆脱不了这种自卑感…为什么?

不一样的圣诞

2008-12-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

今年的圣诞似乎和过去几年的圣诞截然不同。过去的圣诞都在表哥表姐家庆祝。今年我们把每年的12月24日提前庆祝，再加上表弟表妹一起到餐馆吃一顿。虽然气氛热闹了许多，但感觉似乎不一样-不如以往温馨。感觉有点儿遗憾…

今年的圣诞在明宏家庆祝。有点陌生，也许是不太习惯吧。但还是挺开心的。

这几天想了好多，心理一年多的结似乎松开了。挣扎了那么久，也是时候往前走了。过去所发生的点点滴滴深深的印在脑海里。忘不掉也不想忘掉。我不想一年多的回忆化为乌有。因为我珍惜过，也爱过。它将永远，远成为我记忆的一部分…

我非常清楚，如今我应该珍惜的是什么。我这二十年来所累计的遗憾够多了。就到此为止吧…

Busy Busy Busy

2008-12-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

Haven't been blogging lately, but I really love to if I have the time! Plenty of things on the "to do list" are still left undone. This semester is perhaps so much undesired, yet ironically enjoyable. Lectures, tutorials, tests and deadlines. And so what's enjoyable?

No idea. Field trips? Probably. Perhaps my cruise lecturer. He’s the best lecturer out of my 3 years in poly. If he has been with us since our first year, probably life in poly wouldn’t be this... (short of vocabulary..) foreign. Yeap. Simply don’t feel the sense of belongingness.

Last week was a TOTAL nuisance.
Calculus test on Tue (25 Nov),
Cruise test on Thur (27Nov),
Cruise Field Trip on Fri (28Nov),
Spa & Wellness Individual Assignment, Destination&Planning Individual assignment, Club test on following Monday (1Dec)
Club Field trip on Tue (2Dec).

So now u can imagine how I’m feeling now. Barely can do anything. I'm already in a holiday mood! If this goes on, I'll be dead. Next week will be mid-sem test. I only have one calculus paper on Thur. Seokming just told me that we have another test on Facilities management. That's crazy. I still have no idea what tt subject is all about! Sigh.. and all the projects... it seems never ending. Stress... Again, time to buck up!

Strangely unlike every other semester, I would pray that it would end fast, but not totally for this semester. I LOVE Spa&Wellness mgt***, and Cruise Business mgt*****. They're wonderfully AWESOME*****!

We had our cruise project consultation last week. Despite that there was no progress from where we had last stopped, we had a “consultation” for 40mins. It was a chit chat session. We were so into our own nonsense that Mr Mike Yeo(Cruise lecturer/Tutor) and us were laughing till we had to dry our tears.

For me, not because of the jokes they were cracking. It was because he was too wonderful. He was asking about our previous semesters the classes and how bad it has been for some of us. I almost couldn’t hold back my tears.

He shared with us his life learing experience since he graduated from JC. His experience was a lead to what I should do after graduation. To start all over in language development. He shared that he was born in a Chinese speaking environment, thus couldn’t speak or write well in English. After JC, he decided to take a course in English. I couldn’t remember the name of it. Gotta ask him again. Well, I shall choose his path. Well, you may laugh. But I NEED that ability to speak well!

Tt's all for school.

Other event over the last weeks. Tony's sis ROM & Wedding. I shall upload the photos when I have them =)

For the time being.. Cruise field trip photos. Oh, yes, Bintan Holiday photo as well.

Laziness

2008-11-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Positive:
I just realised that it has been so long since I last blog. Well, all in all to summarise my past 1.5months, almost nth except for working. Sounds a little sad ya? But i did enjoyed the last 2months (working at merlion park, F1, Singapore Visitor Centre, ILove Children Organization), as well as my birthday celebration with tony. I miss the prawns!

And of cos, the Bintan trip with my cousins on the 18th &19th, Just before the school term starts... It was my first overseas trip without my parents! Haha.. I really enjoyed myself with them at Bintan Argo, not just because of the activities, but also their presence. They had a mini belated birthday celebration for me over at Bintan. Something special this year. And not forgetting the facial & spa treat from alvin, ivy & shuyi. It was a fruitful & educational trip (well, you'll see what you dun usually see in your comfort zone) =)

School term starts. I was pretty much waiting for it. I had guessed that it would be a busy semester, but nevertheless some of the modules seems fun! 7modules. A little crazy. That's a lot. 1 nonsense - APEL; 3 exciting - Cruise, Spa & Calculus; 1 goodtoknow - Destination planning and development; 1 not really interested - Club management; 1 istilldungetituptillnow - L&R facilities management.

Negative:
Birthday is great. Except the part where your friends are all busy with their lives, and noone seems to remember your birthday. It feels like... well, i can't put it in words.

Another culture shock - A new semester. Why does it seems like a new school??? Everyone to me felt so distance, except for those who were in stb for internship. It seems weird. Lonely is the word. Seokming, vanessa and I were all in different classes. Then I realised, I'm just an individual. Please let this lonely sememter ends fast...

@ Games Convention Asia 2008 - Day 1 - Part I

2008-09-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

I'm working, I'm blogging, I'm hungry! Haha.. Sooooooo BORED! I thought that I might be busy and would be flooded with many questions which I couldn't answer. Finally 2.5 hours have passed - yet so slowly. Visitor count? One so far. 5.5 more hours to go. Not all the booth have started. Just right infront of me, I saw 5 empty booths.

I should be glad that I'm here actually. Working alone without having to listen to some old irritating colleagues' gossip. you wouldn't believe understand how irritating and horrible their mouth can be. If someday should there be a news regarding suspicious bag were to be found in changi airport, it'll turn out to be that the bomb in the suspicious bag exploded and killed many people.

Seokming called me some days ago saying that there are funny rumours (source: Geenee Tang) regarding my dad wrote a letter to STB to complaint about someone. My reply to her was, "How capable! My dad complaints to STB and I'm the last person to know. Or she know my dad?" Can't believe an old woman who lived almost half a century and yet doing something this childish.

Chill... Ok. I shall not spoil my day because of that old woman. Anyway, haha.. I can't stop turning to look behind me. Got buffet! hehe.. So hungry. Sniff sniff..

Games Convention Asia 2008 & F1

2008-09-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

It's time to send free dates again. Has been spending almost 2 hours to decide the dates available for work. It's all their fault. Why couldn't their instructions be clearer? But anyway, 18-20 Sept, it's confirmed that I'll be on duty for the GCA2008. 20-25 Sept will be F1, but will not be working for all 6days.

Now I'm regretting. Why did I fight with seokming to work for the GCA? It would most probably be fun.. But definitely not in this horrible uniform! I'll probably look like an idiot.

I can't decide...

2008-08-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

I was offered a job by I Love Children recently. Now i'm confused... should i accept? It would really be a good experience, and I would really love to say yes! But the issue here is that I have to continue working after school reopens (perm part-timer). I have no idea how my schedule will be like. Would I be able to cope? Should I or should I not?? ? What do u think? I really need your comments... thanks in advance... =)

Ending AIPA 2008

2008-08-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

Blogging daily throughout this AIPA conference event was my initially plan, but I just had no time to do so. Every day's programme started early in the morning and ends late at night. It was tiring indeed, yet everyone had their share of fun.

We accompanied the delegations to Jurong Bird Park for dinner on Wed, and to Istana for reception and courtesy call on Thur. On the way to Istana, I sat beside a Laos Delegation in the bus and we had a small chat. Sigh.. I should have opened my mouth. This was what happened:

Me: Is this your first time to Singapore?
Del.: No, this is my third time. I have been here for 3 times for this AIPA conference. But the last time I was here, it was't this president.
Me: Oh.. So it was Goh Chok Tong?
Del.: No, not the Prime Minister, is the president.
Me: Oh... So have you visited all the attrations in Singapore?

So malu.. Hai bu kuai dian change topic.... -_-"

Yesterday for the entire day, I didn't really get to see my 6 delegations. They decided not to go for the plenary session and closing ceremony, so I don't have to meet them. So for the whole afternoon, I was with Seokming and her 3 Canadian delegations. (Sounds so irresponsible...)

We went for a tour at the Parliament house, and we had a lot of fun (and embarrassment moment for seokming and I). On the way to the Parliament house, her delegations asked us about the old parliament house. We happliy said it was for voting during election. (Trying to prevent saying donnoe - so act smart. anyhow give one answer.) During the start of the tour, the guide said; "The old parliament house is just right behind this building, and it's now used as the Arts House."

We feel like digging a hole and hide inside. Haolian la.. Kaypo la.. When the tour guide said that there were many schools who came to the parliament house for a tour every year, one of the delegates turned to me and said:" so you have never been here?" Paisae - for the second time. I said no. At the end of the tour, he asked again: " So have you got all the answers from the tour?" Argh.... Paisae for the third time. After that they went to Raffles hotel's Long Bar and ordered a jar of beer. Well, of cos Seokming and I declined their offer and took some soft rinks instead. It was pretty exciting. We had a great time.

Later in the evening, there was a dinner at Sentosa, but due to the shortage of time (2 of my delegations were flying off this morning at 2am), all 6 decided not to go for the dinner. And since they are not going, I'm free from duty! hehe..

For today's heritage tour, I didn't get to join them because I remembered the wrong timing! I'll be going back to Shangri-la Hotel to pass them some gifts from myself as souvenirs. Feeling so sleepy now.. TBC

In the Plenary Session. The only thing which attracts me.. (Below)
That's my Russian Head of Delegation speaking. A sweet gentleman. (Below)

Asean Inter-Parliamentary Assembly (AIPA) 2008

2008-08-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

This event is registered through our course. Our roles for this event are liason officers. I'm being allocated to the Observer country - Russian delegations (total of 6). In another word, I'm the secretary between the Singapore Parliament and the delegation secretary.

Today was the first day of event. I was pretty nervous. I went to "welcome" the arrival of the delegations with the MP, Mr Sam Tan. After everything was settled with the immigration and their luggage, I sent them off to Shangri-la hotel in a mini-bus. There are many procedures to be done.. erm.. well.. perhaps not exactly, just that this is my first time handling such event. I would say that this is a challenging job. I really pity the chief Liason Officer. All of us are first timer, and his phone's battery was flat by evening.

Communication is an issue. Most of them could speak English, but... you really have to figure out what they are trying to say. There are many things we have to know at our finger tips. It's not easy. The first day of event, and I'm half dead. Many changes, many requirements made to be fulfilled, many arrangements to be made. My phone has rang so many times today, and it's really irritating and stressful. But.. it's fun afterall!

Allright... gtg. gotta wake up at 6am tmr... Argh... Nite!

This is so exciting!

2008-08-06T01:02:00.000-07:00

$9 per hr shift. Although there is no double pay on public holiday, $9 per holiday is enough to make the interns crazy. Perhaps it's due to the low pay when we're interns (almost $3 per hr). It seems like me and seokming are so cash tight. No one wants to work on weekend, and we're requesting to work to extra hours out of the normal 9hrs (minus one hr break).

So...
Sat: 8.15am to 5.15pm, 5.15pm to 10.30pm. (Both at airport)
Sun: 5.45am to 2.45pm, 3.45pm to 10.30pm. (Airport then Hereen)
No doubt it's pretty tiring... but just of a couple of days. won't ":x" rite... This month cannot say the word. So I'm praying hard now. let me work, let me work, let me work.... hehe..

Anyway, just now seokming and I went back to school to hand up portfolio. There are some event going on in school. I was so bored. I participated in the SUDOKU. Well well well.. I mentioned this not becos I won, but, I gave up. It was after I've spent 47mins and 7secs on the stupid piece of yellow paper. ARGH.. I have no choice. I guess you would do the same thing when u saw two "8"s in the same row at 41 secs. and you're 60% completed. I totally have no idea which number to erase. Sad. But the good thing is, seokming was accompanying me. haha.. How lonely it would be if I'm alone. Sian diao rite.. Hehe..

and tmr, I'm going KBox with Tony! Happy Happy!

结束至开始

2008-07-27T23:39:00.000-07:00

一段故事的结束，连接着另一段故事的开始。这段日子似乎经历了好多。感情上，学业上，人生经验上 - 都领悟了好多。学着放开，学着原谅，学着满足，学着爱。最终，开心才是最重要的。

对于现在的生活 - 我好满足。平静，幸福。虽然偶尔回忆会脑袋口敲敲门，心里还是能笑着说:"欢迎"。因为我还是幸福的、最受宠的。tony 常说:" 每次看到你的都没好事"。这次就让你开心一次。=P

好快的，四个半月的实习接近尾端。接下来的假期，我依然会在新加坡旅游局打工。不同的是，薪水多了，时间由自己操控，也不会因为自己以实习生的生分而觉得约束。会快乐些对吧? =D 实习的作业都终于完成了! 就快被这些琐碎的是给烦死了。我暂时摆脱了它们，简直松了一口气。

笑着迎接未来 - 幸福近在不远处。

Jamais un amie

2008-06-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

Je suis une imbécilee grand. Pourquoi moi?

Personality Test

2008-06-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

You are a BUILDER / explorer
You are popular, trustworthy and dependable. People like you for many reasons; but among them you tend to be stable, loyal and caring and you have a wonderful knack for common sense.

You are a guardian. Your relationships with friends, kin and colleagues are important to you. So you spend time and energy developing and defending these social networks.

You are a good executive and manager. People almost instinctively feel you can supervise financial, business and social issues effectively. And because you are sensible and factual, you can.

You work hard. You like schedules. You are detail oriented. And you tend to respect traditions. So you bring strength and stability to your social and business environments.

Yet you admire people who are spontaneous and you enjoy new and different ideas and experiences, as long as they are not dangerous. Respectability and appropriateness are important to you. And you are capable of deep, solid friendships.

** ** ** ** **

Your Major and Minor Personality Types
Your major personality type = Builder
Your minor personality type = Explorer

Explorer - 25%
Negotiator - 24%
Builder - 27%
Director - 23%

How your personality breaks out
Characteristics of all four personality types can be found within each of us, but there is almost always one personality type that is dominant. We call this the major personality type.

The Personality Profile also identifies your minor or secondary personality type. You exhibit some aspects of this personality type, though not to the same degree as with your major type.

Builder, 27%: Usually very popular. Deep attachment to home and family. Calm demeanor and low anxiety. Often consistent, loyal and protective.

Explorer, 25%: Known for high energy, high creativity and spontaneity. Seeks novelty, risk and pleasure. Intellectually curious and not easily swayed by opinion.

Negotiator, 24%: Excels at seeing the big picture, long-term planning and consensus building. An intuitive thinker who is flexible, verbal and socially skilled. Imaginative, empathetic and nurturing.

Director, 23%: Daring, original, direct and inventive. A non-conformist. Skilled at abstract thinking and short-term planning. Often assertive and quite competitive. Tough-minded and efficient.

Crazy woman

2008-05-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

Lesson today is cancelled. the teacher went holiday. the stupid person working there told us so last min.

After that I was on my way home just now, and I stood at the traffic light, and keep pressing the button. Donnoe where on earth pop out this crazy woman ask me not to press so many times, press once enough, programmed system, bla bla bla... and then i told her off.

I was so polite. What I did was, I smiled at her and said: "it's none of your business". and I crossed the road.. haha... so happy.. cos I even heard someone laughing behind! its not even her hand. press how many time must ask her meh? crazy. haha... i'm so polite, cos i still got smile, and i never add "shut ur mouth up" in front. muahahaha... evil. but serve her right. who ask her kpo so much. muahahaha..... =P

Sigh.. project coming up. after that will be our portfolio.. stress.. there seems to be so much things undone.. still, I miss kbox. I miss kbox with my dearest friends!! Argh...

Sick~

2008-05-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

I should have known it; the symptom of falling sick - sudden thrist. Friday night, I was dying for water. No matter how much I've drank, it simply doesn't help. On Saturday morning, there comes the bad sorethroat, slight cough and flu. Saturday afternoon, slight fever came along. Saturday night, fever subsided, and I thought I was recovering. I fell asleep at about 12am (I think).

Next morning (woke up at 8.30am), I realised that the fever is back! And then, it became worse - sorethroat, cough, flu, headache, bodyache, high fever. No choice - went to the doctor for MC. Reached home at 10.30am and fell asleep again. woke up a number of times (to take medicine and to toilet), and back to sleep. woke up "officially" at 10am on monday. about 30 hours of sleep. but... I still feel very sleepy now. Probably sleep too much.

Stupid doctor. Never give medicine for sorethroat. Still hurts like hell. can't really talk much. still have to work tmr! ARGH!!! Feel like I've wasted so much time.

So long since...

2008-04-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I last blog. has been busy with SIP. Initial excitement died down, and being a CSO at the SVC is becoming a routine job. Not much changes, everything depends highly on individual's mood. Well, perhaps it's due to the fact that i'll be going to be at airport took away the excitement and eagerness to work. Longer working hours; and i hate it! Other than that, I don't have much complaints about SIP..

As for general, well, I quite hate myself recently. I donnoe why, but, it just happens to be so. I get very irritated easily. It had been so long since I felt this way - a feeling of rebellion. I really don't want to, but I couldn't help it; I couldn't explain.. Or.. perhaps I could?

Something is missing in my life. Somthing once gained, but lost. I have no idea what it is. But I have a strong feeling - it wouldn't be back - it's lost forever. What is it? A feeling? a belief? or myself? I really don't know..

Internship with STB

2008-03-19T10:25:00.000-07:00

It has been three days of training with STB. It was really a fun and exciting experience, despite of the long hours. We went to visit the Singapore Visitor Centres(SVC) at Orchard, Taka, and Changi Airport. Just the first day of training and there were so much things that we had to know.

Second day, which was yesterday, we went to the Zoo in the afternoon, and then the Night Safari. It had been ten years after my last visit to the Zoo. Haha.. and I realised that I could not even remember anything and the Zoo. The changes were too great. After the Zoo, the Zoo's management hosted us for dinner at the Ulu Ulu Safari restaurant. It was a buffet style restaurant, and the food was great!

And today, third day of training, we went to many places. Well, we went exploring some hidden places in Singapore, and it was kinda exciting. Just that I was feeling too sleepy due to lack of energy(not enough food). okok.. in another words, I was HUNGRY! haha..

Anyway, I was pretty amazed with some places. for examples, the Rochester Park, where that are a number of restaurants, as well as Dempsey Hill, which I was the best place (which I thought) for the day. Weel, wanna know why? hehe.. find out yourself!

Oh ya, before that, we went onto the DHL hot air balloon! Sounds cool rite?? ok la.. not as fun as it seems actually. Just that u were 150m up the sky. LOL.. but still, it's a good experience. All in all, I'm enjoying this training with STB, with such a good trainer and the STB seniors. It's like a big big family. I love STB.

弦歌有你 Jeff Chang & Symphony Orchestra 2008 - I simply love it!

2008-03-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

虽然我并没有参加过许多演唱会，事实上在这之前，我只参加过一个演唱会，
就是左麟右李:开心演唱会。我无法拿这张信哲的弦歌与你来和其他演唱会做
比较。但亲眼目睹了歌友们对啊哲的厚爱与支持，在加上他那动人心弦的歌
声后，那份感动如潮水般从我心里涌上。

对我来说，这次的演唱会简直让我大开眼界。演唱会结束的那一刻，我已开
始怀念，开始期待着看啊哲的下一次演出了!

对了! 他将会在今年四月份发出他的新专辑。请大家多多支持哦! =}

The ending holiday

2008-03-14T02:57:00.000-07:00

Holiday is ending. It seems like I've done nothing over the few weeks except working and clearing the poo poo of the rabbits. Exam results are finally out. I was glad. No sub paper. Muahahaha. I thought I'll get so many Ds. at least 3. Something like a one time collection of Ds. But then, the good news is, there's only one D. Just that my GPA dropped. But. whatever. It's good enough. Hehe.. =D

Oh yes. Jeff's concert's tmr! OMG. So excited. haha.. But i think i won't be excited after the concert ends. Cos, SIP is gonna start on monday. Sigh.. I really wonder if I should work. I haven't enjoy enough. Really..

幸福定义

2008-03-03T09:37:00.000-08:00

这些日子，我好开心、好幸福。至少我喜欢这种踏踏实实的感觉；没有猜疑，没有压力，也没有担忧。太多的不确定让我选择放弃了最最快乐的日子。原因很简单: 安全感战胜了那‘最最快乐的日子’。安全感如唇、快乐如齿。少了安全感的爱情，日子过得再快乐，结果只有一个 ~ 保受威胁。

对我而言，最大的幸福莫过于一个‘信’字。

幸福 ~ 一直围绕在身边。
幸福 ~ 一旦错过了，将可能永远失去。
幸福 ~ 只有靠自己去争取。

幸福 ~ 一个永远的避风港~

Why?!

2008-03-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

Well, VERY TIRED. didn't got enough sleep. And my jobscope requires a lot of physical efforts. The organisation is moving their office, and my job is to pack all their stuffs and logistics. it's a 2 level office, and I'm the only person doing the tough job. I hate it when instructions weren't clear, and i have to repack everything again and again. It makes the job sucks so much, and makes me feel so lethagic.

Actually my day wasn't that bad. Partly because I slept late last nite, and some other things that actually keep bothering me throughout. The blog posting which tony told me. I couldn't stop thinking. I'm sorry. But if I say it doesn't affect me at all, I'm lying. And I hate to lie.

Knowing that I'm having tuition with my cousins, I rushed home for 2 purposes; to shower, and to read the blog. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see, I wasn't sure how i was feeling at that point of time. I knew I couldn't hide. It was after reading then I realised, my purpose for reading was that, I wanted to know what the purpose the content. but after having read the 2 main posts, I still couldn't understand. All I know was, he knew that we would definitely read his blog (we are the audience).

I asked myself this question. Does it matter? Most probably not. I've made my choice, and I have no doubt about it.

Sweety friends

2008-02-27T08:30:00.001-08:00

My two new friends. Oreo~Choco!

haha.. They've been here for five days le. For most of the time, all I cann see is them eating - eating all day from morning till night. I just love them so much!!!

But.. but... just now... OREO TREAT ME TEA! -.-" She sat on my skirt.. then i was like.. "Eh... how come warm warm one?" OMG! Sigh... faster went home change.

Anyway, gotta go sleep now. Working tmr. haha.. Shall continue to introduce my new friends to u when I got the time. Hehe.. Good nite!

Auntie's New Year Mao Mao

2008-02-13T05:51:00.000-08:00

PRETTY NEW YEAR MAO MAO MAO! haha...

Hey... the world is fair. You won't believe it.

They receive ang baos also hor.. -.-"

珍惜未来

2008-02-09T06:37:00.000-08:00

埋葬了过去的幸福与所有的甜蜜。

唯有潇洒才能抚平心里的痛与遗憾。

不切实际的奢望与等待一概遗弃。

永别了~回忆…

最后一次

2008-02-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

当初的甜蜜时光，现在只留下怀念 - 也未必是件坏事…

决定 - 希望这是最后一次，否则:

珍惜~思念~爱情~永别了…

微笑的真贵

2008-02-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

其实我应该满足了。我拥有了一段我渴望，但原本就不属于我的幸福。

是命 - 我一向来都知道。就因为知道，所以才不舍得。无论如何，

我应该感谢上苍，让我拥有一段 - 一辈子加起来都得不到的幸福。

我还可以奢求什么?

可是我不明白，为何我坚定的决定，却治不了我的泪水呢?

拥抱

2008-02-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

作晚只睡了两个半小时。说是读书，但其实我连自己在读些什么都不知道。心里好矛盾，好难过。突然间想起橱里的一本书《拥抱幸福的自己》。

也许是应为出世的前几年都由外婆照顾，所以小时候和父母的关系都不太好，很少机会感受被紧紧拥抱的感觉。记得小时候我常常妄想自己以后被拥抱的感觉-一定非常温暖、非常特殊…但现在，我最渴望、最思念的拥抱，我却不敢要，也没胆量要…

其实这几天我好难过。脑子里不断浮现我们第三此出去，他望着我的那种眼神。现在大概不会再看见了。前两天我都在避开他。我好气，好恨，但我无法不难过，不想念。一旦静下来，我总会热泪盈眶。但这些涌上来的泪水，我只有往肚子里咽。我不敢面对，也不想面对…

对于刚才那个(关于学校的)惊喜，也只不过那么短暂而已。我无法肯定自己要的究竟是什么。我只直到，这种断断续续的痛，我又得从新经历一次。我好想要，但我要不起。我快疯了。真的快疯了…
想一个人静一静…

Mao Mao + Other Nonsense

2008-01-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

Sigh... I saw the Mao Mao when I reached home. Haven't been seeing it for some days. Really miss him... (or her?) . Haiz.. I think Mao Mao must have just taken it's dinner. Cos it ignored me!! Sad. Next time no food for him (or her -_-") .

Hmm..... just kidding.

This is my dad's crazy "jie zuo" (just change sofa's cover. did this to not let my sis slp in living room, on the sofa):

Anyway, I just had my first interview today. Well, was as bad as the first group interview I had went through for the overseas student internship. I really hope I can get in. Don't really want to spend time for other interview. I would rather they just dump me in any nonsense company and fget done with it. If not still gotta memorise stuffs abt the company.. dress up.. and so on. Really tiring - and a waste of time.

Having MICE test tmr. haven't really study. Didn't really slp well last night - woke up more than 5 times. Kinda tired today - keeping falling asleep. Now i decided to jump out of my comfort zome and force myself to the living room. But then... ... actually the sofa isn't bad either. -_-"

Nvm. Whatever it is, I'll try not to slp tonight. There so many things to study. (I can't believe I still have the time to blog here.) I haven't do (and figure out) my Accounting tutorial. I can't believe this. Still have to stay back for ticketing lab class tmr right after accounting lecture. My class tmr thus starts from 9 to 6. + tuitioning for my cousin right I reach home and have my shower. Full day of tireness, and one sleepness night. Sad..

Argh!!!! So many things not done!!! AND WHY AM I STILL HERE????????

在伤口上洒盐...

2008-01-30T05:53:00.000-08:00

从水深火热中把我救出来的人 ─ 亲自手把我推回火坑里。

那比不救我还来得残忍。

这次我发誓一定要自己爬起来…

伤得太深，是时候清醒了。

Crazy

2008-01-29T07:16:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it. I actually thought that my PT2 is next week. haiz. serve me right. can't be bothered to check la.. assume, assume and assume. haha..

Anyway, other than this PT2, i have so many other deadlines coming up. haven't really gone shopping for CNY. and.. my com just died on me! haha.. haven't learn my lesson. haiz..

Anyway, thursday got STB interview! I'm very nervous. it's gonna be grp interview again. I had very bad experience in grp interview, and really have no confidence in "grabbing" that internship for SIP.

Will be having a test on Friday. Haven't even touch. Die. Die. Die. I dun even have the complete set of notes. Haven't done my accounting tutorial. la la la.... going crazy. haha.. how how how??? i really donnoe what to do le. now waiting for my uncle to rescue my com. I'm so luan so luan so luan. haha.. ok. should end my nonsense for today. Good nite!

Misses~

2008-01-26T08:45:00.000-08:00

I miss my guiding life~ The fun, the sharing, the love.

Taps:
Thanks and praise,
For our days,
'Neath the sun, Neath the stars, 'Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

The Promise:
I promise to do my best,
to do my duty to God.
To serve my country and help other people,
and to keep the guides' law.

(Shall I sign up as a Young Adult?)

平静的机会

2008-01-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

让我度过这关，我将重新确定幸福的定义。

好想珍惜生命；请让我死一次-就一次

2008-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

好久没到海边散步了。今晚的海风特别冷，也特别残忍。为何不将我冻死?

可否有哪位好心人-在我此刻的生命添上一点鲜艳的色彩? 就要一把刀，往我心脏捅。我先谢谢你，你做了件好事。

我不在开玩笑。

Libra

2008-01-23T01:04:00.000-08:00

Libra's sign is represented by the balance. How i wish I am able to use this balance - to balance and calculate everything in life...

I've finally deeply understood...

2008-01-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

I thought this would be the best project ever. But i turns out to be TOTALLY opposite. It's really a matter of luck. We really did best out of this project. But "天不做美". We were taught a particular law in Festivals and Events Management - the Murphy's law. It states that: "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". Innitially, I only agree with it. But now, I strongly agree with it cos it happened to my project group on this day of project submission.

Everything that went wrong happened every minute. So much that I couldn't even state them out. But my conclusion is, everything relates to the motto of girl guides - Be prepared. Perhaps we wasn't prepared for this, and thus things turns out to be the least expected.Well, I'm sad. Really sad. I was really hoping that this would be my best project ever.

The good thing is, another proposal done. One less to worry. I'm feeling so lost now. Cos there're more things to come. 1.The coming up will be the presentation on monday. 2&3. And for this same subject, we have 2 more individual report to be handed up. 4. One MICE class test, 5. one ticketing & reservation test, 6. SSM project, 7. I haven't settle my SIP (resumesss and interviewsss), 8. MICE Exam, 9. Accounting Exam... I can't remember whether there are still any. but the list above is already fatal. I can't cry - no time. but i can't laugh either. I feel so much like a Zombie.

I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss my grandma. I miss my cross-stitch. I miss my novels. I miss Kbox with Peiyu and Cheryl. I miss Keith. I miss the beach at night. So much things that I miss. I really do... :'(

This song that keep running thru my mind today - I believe (By Liu Ruo Ying)

2008-01-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

http://www.tt78.com/player/222/41256.htm
I simply love the lyrics...歌曲：I Believe 歌手：刘若英
是三月底的决定想自己去旅行我们的爱也许应该休息
I believe 我回来的时候会更相爱你等著我保证不会错
I believe 无论在哪里
I believe 隔几千公里
I believe 爱是让人幸福的真理
I believe 你会想著我
I believe 你也在难过
and I believe 爱如果足够
谁管它隔著几个山头
I believe 爱你像著了火
我要你要你不知所措
and I believe 有了你有了我
以后日子会快乐
有时候我也疑惑
有时候觉得难受
始终相信我们的爱会更深厚
要答应啊你也会在
尽心经营这一份爱
等待我回来会比从前更热爱
I believe 无论在哪里
I believe 隔几千公里
yes I believe 爱是让人幸福的真理
I believe 你会想著我
I believe 你也在难过
and I believe 爱要是不成熟
不会有一辈子的温柔
I believe 我拥有自我
I believe 你爱我这么做
and I believe 有了你有了我
以后日子会快乐
I believe 你会想著我
I believe 你一样难过
and I believe 爱如果足够
谁管它隔著几个山头
I believe 我拥有自我
I believe 你爱我这么做
and I believe 有了你有了我
以后日子会快乐

Unexpected

2008-01-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

This semester's subjects seems to be little, yet heavy; no matter how much i've completed, it doesn't seems to reach an end. So much more things to be done, and not really started. Most urgent being - FEM project (I think).. or was it Ticketing test? MICE project interview (includes memorising 20pgs of report and 5 lecture notes)? What about MICE presentation? SSM project? SSM glossary test? Sending SIP resume??? Sigh.. That's all I can remember for the time being. I just have no idea where I should start...

Welcome to 2008!

2007-12-31T20:45:00.000-08:00

Let's start with this: HapPy NeW YeaR everyone!

I had my year started perfectly! After meeting our friends in Downtown, we went hunting for food. Actually I had my dinner earlier at about 5-6pm, but I was too happy. I just feel like eating. I shared this plate of carrot cake (which is like extremely salty) with Cheryl. It was a really big share, and we actually managed to finish this plate of salty stuff. But right after that, i died from thirst. haha..

Anyway, we spent our countdown at the queue. Quite sad. But still, we had a great time partying together, dancing, joking around as usual.. Oh yes, dancing -I can't believe I joined in the dance. =D I didn't drink, but I was so drunk. It was not just the music nor the atmosphere. It was my friends. I REALLY miss them!! It would definitely not be a great start of the new year without them.

It's a start of a new year, and a best reason for starting a new life. Now, my wish isn't to forget anyone, or anything. It is to spend all my time with my 5/1 friends who are always there for me. Thank you for starting my year this wonderful! All the best in yr 2008.

A Hectic Holiday

2007-12-30T04:30:00.000-08:00

A new school term will be starting tmr. Holiday will be ending in a few hours time. Holiday. Sigh.. How do you define this word. Isn't it suppose to be a time for us to relax? The lecturers left for holidays and dump us all alone in Singapore with not just projects, but also a hundreds of questions on our projects. Perhaps they are looking for trouble. (Cos they are gonna faint when they read our report!)

It was indeed stressful a holiday. But nevertheless, I have started to live my own life again. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as it was. I've spent too much time on someone whom I once thought I couldn't live without. I always thought that it was a lesson learnt, but no, it was a good experience.

I read Yin Shan's blog and I found something she wrote (highlighted) that hits me. It was what she read from a magazine(Quoted) and how she felt about what she read. I thought I've learnt so much from her words..

"Meet, meet,meet agian.
Don't rush into things/relationship,
don't put too much pressure,
don't made a decision to early,
And DON'T stop believe in LOVE."
That's is an simple and good advice.
Haha...
After reading that i felt energize!! haha
Just open my heart to know more ppl and find the right one
who love me and i love him..

After reading this, I couldn't help, but started thinking. I realised that, there are too many things and people whom deserve a place in my heart and that I should spend more time and effort on. So why bother so much about unnecessary things? Let nature take it's course, even for projects. Even if it's nature meant to be a failure, ... -_-" ... Alright, alright... I shall take back my words and stop giving excuses, and get back to my floorplan. Haha.. =P

My mind reminded me I was strong; my heart corrected me that I wasn't...

2007-12-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

Haven't been updating my multiply. I wanted to. But everytime I click on "Post", I decided to close the entire window and forget about it. I've posted so much, yet none of them can actually describe how I really feel..

All the strong side of me - they never last more than 4 days. Then I realise, "lie" is not the word. It is not the exact word to describe all the posted blog entries. It's the state of mind that is doing the tricks. I'm the victim of myself. It sounds ridiculous but true. Yet I can't do anything but to see myself fall and stand.

Yes, perhaps I shall just name my entries this way - fell/stood up. Because the contents are just the tricks being performed out by my mind. My mind reminded me I was strong; my heart corrected me that I wasn't - because it hurts, no matter how hard I try...

深深感触

2007-12-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

看见他给一位(女)朋友留下的评论，心里总觉得不自在，好难过。铭基，我好尽力，好尽力要自己不要让他的举动影响。你要我向他坦白，约他出来，把心里所想的一次过说出来。只有这样才能把事情解决。但并不是那么简单。

有好多次当我回想到过去，我会情不自禁地发简讯给他。我也尝试过想和他说清楚，但他从来不回复。刚才看到他给别的女生留下的评论，我心里好难过。但我很认真的问了自己一个问题: "美璇，你想和他符合吗? 真的想吗?"

我的答案是 "不想" 。没错，有些时候我会被那些 "曾经" 动摇，但我却很肯定，肯定自己的答案终究是个 "不想" 。我清楚知道自己要什么。

谢谢你一直以来给我的鼓励，听我心声。我知道每当我忍不住哭的时候，你会觉得我好烦好讨厌。但我还是要说声谢谢，也要说声对不起，因为我真的无心影响你。我现在需要的，是时间。我有信心 - 一切会过去的，对吗? 我祈求上天，请让时间飞速 - 到伤口愈合，到我不再感觉到痛的时候。因为我真的好怀念我的自由…我好想解脱…

This cat is really testing my patience... But I love it!

2007-12-12T10:53:00.001-08:00

Rolling in the Hay - Les chatons dans le foin

I started this cross-stitch abt 8 months ago I guess... Can't really remember. Of cos, this isn't a complete pictuce. This cat is just 1/4 of it. Well, I shan't describe how the picture looks like, it'll be a surprise when it's done.

Anyway, if I don't remember wrongly, the reason for buying this cross stitch was because I found it challenging. It is made up of 42 different colours, shades and tones. This is definitely not the most challenging piece available in the market, but, it's enough to test one's patience!

It was 94% completed before today, and took me about 5-6 hours to finish another 5%. So guess where has the other 1% gone to?? Let me give you a clue. It's somewhere at it's stomach. About ten crosses not done yet. Cos the auntie gave me the wrong colour. -_-" How??? Still can't find it rite... Can you imagine if I found out that I've made a mistake, where do I start counting from (when all the colours look so similar)??? Touchwood touchwood... Haha...

I wonder it would take me another 24mths to complete. Actually I shouldn't even have the time to do this 5% today. Just suddenly miss my favourite past time. I was 8 years old when I started learning cross-stitching, and that was 11years ago.

It was my aunt (uncle's wife) whom brought this into my life and I simply fell in love with it. =} I was taken care by my grandma, who was then living with my uncle, my aunt and cousin. She taught me a lot since young. The love she gave me wasn't any lesser than her daughter.

Anyway, let's move on to another topic. I'm done with the only subject for the term test! =} I thought I should be happy. But, this also means that, I have to work double hard for my 4 projects! Sigh.. Stress stress... ...

OMG! It's almost 3am. I was still thinkning about going for a jog tmr morning. Hmm.. I shall forget about it. Haha... Still, I'm getting my beauty sleep. hehe... That's all for today. Thank you for reading my blog! Good night!

It shall not be a lie...

2007-12-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a strong girl - We shall see... =}